| -×- Your Medley -×- |
[Dec. 11th, 2005|10:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
*You Remind Me Of A Song I Used To Love...*
♫♫♫ ×Can’t you, can’t you feel it rolling off your lips, tensing up your shoulders, c’mon say it is…well babe, it’s love..make it hurt.. × We were inches away, but we never even got close.. × Go on, just say it. You need me like a bad habit. Go on, just say it. Are you afraid to? C’mon just say it…ok, I’ll just say it..I need you. × It’s 3 a.m. and I’m sneaking out of your back door….> and I’m tossing and turning, the candlelight’s burning. And this is all we need… × Brash and hopeful, that my luck won’t perish tonight…> And to be completely honest…you’re
not
like
all
the
rest... × The butterflies in my stomach, they could bring me to my knees.. × I see a sense of wonder deep inside your eyes.. × The chemistry between us could destroy
this place.. × The memory of your stare.. is raining
♥ down
on♥
me… × Tonight I made a secret oath to keep chasing after you. and I am not going to stop, whether you like it or not.. × I know it’s dark here, you know that I’m scared too..for some reason right now, of everything but you. Right now, you’re all that I recognize. You know I came here, when I needed your soft voice, I needed to hear something that sounded like
an answer. Now I wait here, and sometimes I get one….>> it’s nothing I’ll forget, when the moon gets tired. You are stuck to me everyday. Believe in what I am because it’s all I have today.. and tomorrow who knows where we’ll be…from here I can hardly see a thing but I will follow anyone who brings me to you…>> •♦• You know it starts here, outside waiting in the cold, kiss me once in the snow, I swear it never gets old. But I promise you I can make it warmer next year…×...
× The night is aging as the sun warms your face. Won’t you turn around and stay for good?, the air is getting much to cold.
I am nervous and anxious, it really counts this time. And you know all of my favorite singers have stolen all of my best lines…>>
♥ Well I can hardly wait until I feel that thrill in my heart that starts inside your eyes, and a song in my head that burns so good on my tongue.. ×
×.. You’re in the next room sleeping and I’m shouting out a song for you… I shouldn’t wake you over the furnace, but I should swear to someone you would’ve loved every note. So, dream a good one tonight. I’ll listen to the bad ones when they come. Get up in my ear ‘till I hear every word … with every turn of your tongue, I will tighten my grip.. × Well, cross my heart and hope to…> I’m lying just to keep you here.. × Oh, Darling, all of these jump-start-stalling conversations, mean much more to me than anything. So it comes down to me and you and, whether we’re supposed to or not we still will. We’re so much better off than them. All the possibility and the promise just weighs on me so heavily…
And I try, but I’m not convincing. Your lips, they pout and twist and, I die trying just to keep myself from kissing you. You take in everything with a certainty I envy… It’s somehow all I need, just keep me guessing please!...>>
♥ A look,
♥ A laugh,
♥ A smile,
♥ A second,
passes by and I regret it. Words just aren’t right.. Sometimes I just can’t explain, All the ways you devastate me… Always on my mind!.. × We’re moving forward , but holding ourselves back, and we’re waiting on something that will never come…× She’ll be lying, keeping secrets, keeping quiet.. Now you understand.. × From the lack of sleep, and the bloodshot eyes. To the nervous kiss and the butterflies. Does this make any sense at all? × But you gotta swear, don’t forget to remember me… × I’m fighting myself to get you out of my head. But I’m hanging off of every word you said.. × I’ve got a question but I didn’t mean to interrupt. Can you really think just how this feels? Tried to figure you out, not cut you off. I’m sorry, I will wait.. I’m sorry, I will.. × You don’t do it on purpose but you make me shake.. × How can you ask for me to stay when all you ever do is
go.. × I say it’s never worth the pain, but sometimes it is… × So put the weight on my shoulders,
and the pain in my heart.
Tie the knots in my stomach..
and let it tear me apart.
So I could be everything you need.. × Tonight.. I’ll be understanding..
I understand everything tonight…>> So, I’ll wait for you, hoping to change your mind. Hoping is all I can do…× When the sun goes down and the shadows grow. Just trust in us and forever know.. please keep holding on to me.. × I’ve been the secret that you’ve been keeping.. × As I’m finding the words… you’re getting away.. × This is the last true burning letter..
given to a girl,
written by a boy,
living in a world
created to destroy.. × We could run into a future without a second look.. × ♫♫♫
♫ × Where are you now? As I’m swimming through the stereo, I’m writing you a symphony of sound. Where are you now?
As I rearrange the songs again..
This mix could burn a hole in anyone.
But it was you I was thinking of…>>>
♥ It’s like I wrote every note with my own fingers.. ×♫ |
|
|
| i'm trying to create something that's not there.. |
[Nov. 24th, 2005|03:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | taking back sunday | ] |
you've left me breathless.
and rather confused.
on what the hell i'm supposed to do
next.
tracing back my steps.
going through the night,
over and over,
in my head,
until it's like i'm there again.
what was that you said?
"It was only a dream my dear.."?
it seemed pretty damn real to me.
is it because your body is full of regret?
your eyes laced with lies?
your heart changing directions?
as you sighed and fell asleep,
a foot away from me.
oh, how the tables have turned.
another snowfall outside.
can't move from my blankets wrapped in safety and
wishes
and dreams.
wondering what is going on in your head.
i suppose i'm far from your mind.
so, why this feeling then?
that this is right..
that this true..
that it really happened.
in my heart
and yours..
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
there's this so called thing "friendship"
and it doesn't matter to most.
it matters to me.
people take it for granted.
they take me for granted.
do you want to be used how you use me?
only so much a heart can take.
there's only so much that i can tolerate.
and sugary sweet excuses through gritted teath,
darling, that just isn't gonna do it for me.
there's this funny thing called "lonliness".
i feel it, now more than ever.
in every inch.
in every drop of blood that drains from
my heart.
into your hands.
the blood hit you and you ran away.
i'm stuck with freezing fingers
with no one to help.
a longing for music..
and no one is going to sing.
sometimes, it's hard for me to accept things like this.
i'm alone.
i'm not very used to it.
i guess i'd better start somewhere.
curled up in my blanket..
playing with my radiant hair..
moving my eyes back..
and forth..
avoiding the truth. the worst of it all.
running over everything within my mind and soul..
the past. him. him and her. him and i. the present..
the future. the recent hours, what happened?
what was it? what did it mean?
did you just want to get my hopes up? did you wish to enjoy watching me being taunted?
am i just a toy for you to discover how long it would take me to go insane?
lonely for you.
lonely for me..
lonely for us..
lonely for..being a 10 year old with scraped knees
and best friends.
and cute boys who chased you..
and kicked you..
and said you had cooties.
there's no lonliness with cooties and scratches..
i need an absolution.
i'm searching. but i need to stop..
and wait..
to see.
what happens.
im hoping for something more..
but i should be careful or i'll lose everything i've got.
all that's left is to wait for you to make up your mind..
wait. and wait.
as the cold seeps through my blanket,
and my hopes turn to tears,
in realization that what i wanted could
never be real..
waiting..
for you to explain..
till the next time i see you. |
|
|
| - john jacob jingleheimer schmidt, his name is my name too.. - |
[Nov. 20th, 2005|02:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | bayside | ] |
-- whenever we go out. the people always shout, "There goes john jacob jingleheimer schmidt". dahdahdahdahdahdahdahhhh --
who kicked ass at state? i mean absolutely killed it in every way? who hands down, blew the judges away and sent the audience into laughter and a "drunken stupor"? We did, ladies and gentleman. we did.
and who had the best weekend ever? or at least, the best in a long time? mee. i did. i arrived at school, helped load the costumes and props. and then, us drama geeks went to the other side of the school, got on the bus and began our journey. pitch black mountain dew, tea, cappucino, rockstar, andes mints, and hermit crab stories. i love the bus rides. talking. yelling. i always wonder why everyone on that bus felt the need to yell when everyone else is yelling to try to be heard over them. lol, but i did it too. pillows and blankets. then we got to UW oshkosh. went inside, separated from reeves. and then we all just kind of wandered together, kind of unsure where to go for like..5-10 minutes. then we got free beads. and looked at crazy hats and sunglasses. bri found some weird lounge and locker room downstairs so some of us ditched our stuff down there. by this time, we were all in random places. i was with bri, dwight, and blaine for a while. the more crowded the halls got, and the more people were running around seeing what plays were in what theaters at what times and when... the more it reminded me of warped tour. except, theater instead of music,inside instead of out, freezing instead of warm, touchy feely just for the heck of it instead of unwillingly crushed together in a moshpit, and a whole heck of a lot more gay guys. we walked around and then went to go see the play Impromptu. came to see that basically the rest of our drama class was there to see it too. so we sat in our clump of purple t-shirt wearing (we got our shirts..yesss!) waupaca people. craig, bri, and i listened to some good music while waiting for it to start. demon hunter, project 86, norma jean. then saw the play. it was pretty good. i laughed a few times. the guy kissed his mom? lol. well, it wasn't really, but it was. after it was over, some people left. and some stayed. it was me, bri, craig, jill, megan, brittany, david, will and some others i think? a lot more maybe. i don't really remember. we stayed to see Adaptation. they should have stayed. it was awesome. it was hilarious. "and your mistress won't have sex with you! take away 2 points from maturity and move back to your nearest conflict square!" it was very creative and they did awesome. the guy playing the game show host had the perfect voice for it. lol. it was wonderful.
then, me, bri, and craig decided we were hungry. the line for food in the music hall was huuuuuuuuugeeeee. so we were like, uuuh no. so, we walked like 5 blocks in the freezing cold, my face numb, my toes almost broken, to subway. lol. i wasn't even that hungry but it was worth it. we had fun. some girl started taping us and it was really freaky. we asked if she was, and she kept saying she wasn't but the red light was on. and were were like..wtf.. and she was taping craig and she said, "yeah, that's right. take a bite out of that ham!" and it was insane. and she finally stopped. i guess we're in some random movie now. me, bri, and craig talked for a long time. i enjoyed it. then we started our journey back.. i went to throw my soda away in the garbage can, and there was a bra. a black bra in the garbage can. lmao. it was very funny at the time. we cracked up. and we were really hyper on the way back. laughing, yelling, singing, making fun of each other. we finally made it back and then talked to some guy from brookfield and we found a picture of my clone on this bulletin board. she was cute. we traveled downstairs to our little lounge thing and found breck and katrina and and some other people down there so we all piled on the couch and the loveseat. and then like, 10 minutes later, most of the rest of our class found us. so we were all piling up on each other.. ben and will were giving each other massages on top of me. remember guys? lol, a little scary. we brought the couch from the other side of the room all the way over by the table. it was happy. and fun. and silly. then we split up again. some people stayed downstairs. some went to see the play Voices. but the majority of us went to see This Is A Test. grouped in our little area with purple, once again. it was pretty weird...but it was good too. i laughed. i don't think i went to see any dramatic plays..huh, oh well. after that we went back to our lounge and there was some freshman guy in college totally throwing himself at the girls. i thought it was disgusting. but some of the girls were talking to him, so i went over there, and it was a very boring conversation and the girls were ignoring me so i went back over and got hyper with the people on the couches. and all of sudden, one person jumped on, then they all jumped on, and there was this big pile of everyone on one couch.. and it was awesome. i took pictures. then i got in and got pictures taken. we were supposed to meet at 2:30, so we're sitting around, it's like 2:15. just hanging out. getting hyper. getting pumped. amp, excedrin, singing. so, we head over to the other building to get ready. same old same old. rushing to get everything done. getting to the hallway. we get our pep talk. sing john jacob and get backstage to wait for our okay to set up the stage. and i'm like.."guys..i really have to pee.." haha. then we set up. i was getting nervous. shaking for no reason. then we take our places. get in character. breathe. and...we just took it away. as soon as those lights went on, i was no longer nervous. i was just there. i was so in it. we were all in it. definitely much better than our performance 8th hour thursday. haha, we sucked and i'll admit it. but you would have never known if you saw our performance on friday. we just rocked. when i was backstage waiting for the second to last scene, i was jumping around, singing a song in my head, giving everybody hugs. when it was over, we sang john jacob and went back down to our make-up room. sang john jacob and did our drama dance again. and then got critiqued by the judge. got pins and got a plaque. and were thissss close, soo close, to getting an ensamble award..but we didn't, because we needed one more judge to consent to it, but he didn't. either way, she told us we were amazing. then we all got naked (changed back into our clothes in other words). there were no dressing rooms. so friday, my modesty just finally went out the door. we were all hyper and happy, taking pictures. we loaded our stuff on the truck and got back on the bus. we dropped ali and ashley off at the neenah high school to get ready for the scholarship auditions. and went on our way to eat at fazolli's. ben gave me a talk about how awesome we did because no one else wanted to listen. haha. talked to dwight, will, and bri. breck and trina. jill..and just everyone was so hyper. we tried to spike will's hair. craig poofed his up all crazy. and jill french braided ben's. i put on my headphones and started singing and bri rocked out with me. we got to fazolli's and walked in. people must have thought we were insane. the guys had their hair done. everyone was so hyper that they probably thought we were on crack. so we ate. talked. laughed. and sang happy birthday to kelly's brother. then got back on the bus. dwight and bri would not get back on the bus without their cheesecake though. haha. so we all talked some more. sang some more. danced crazy some more. and me and dwight started talking. about less serious, to more serious, then less serious. it was nice. i love talking. god, i love talking to people. bonding with people. yay. then we got back to neenah highschool. and we sat with our schools to watch the audtions. so this is how it broke down. there were all different schools there and one or a couple more of kids from each school got to try out to win a scholarship if they are planning on majoring in theater or musical theater. so there were three catagories that you could try out for and win. 1.) dramatic, 2.) comedic, and 3.) musical theater. and wow, there were some amazing kids out there. when ali came out, we cheered our asses off and yelled, "LOUD NOISES!" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!" "MICHAEL LOVES YOU!" hell yes for drama inside jokes. she kicked ass. and then when ashley came out, we cheered our asses off once again. she did wonderful too. and then there's always that one guy, "hey! look at the yacht over there. ahh, how was china? ahh, yeah, china's pretty big. how's japan? oh yeah, japan's pretty small that japan." lol. when everyone was done, the judges had to go talk so the drama teacher from neenah entertained us. it was pretty funny. a little bit later out came the "sexy" judges (lol). there were stalling and i was shaking and i was nervous and we were freaking out. dramatic award: it wasn't ali.<\3 comedic award: some chick. and musical theater award: ashley lowe..AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WE CHEERED FOREVER! she got it. and we were so excited and pumped. but we still felt really bad for ali. personally, i think ali deserved it, and that isn't just cuz i'm biased and she's my friend from our school, i think she did awesome. but i guess you win some, you lose some. we were pretty upset. but also excited. all the schools went out into the lobby and met up with their people and cheered. one by one they were coming out, i'm pretty sure they were getting critiqued. we gave ashley big hugs when she came out. and we were by the doors, waiting for ali. we were hyper but worried. i was jumping around, as usual. ben kept trying to take my hat. i was singing and smiling. and everyone was happy giving everyone hugs.and i was like, "GUYS! let's start a circle for kiddy in the corner!" or whatever it's called. and we start doing it. and katrina goes, "NO! guys! let's start a circle where we put little alissa in the middle and we push her around!" and everyone came over there. and they were like pushing me everywhere through the circle. not that gentle, let's go in a nice perfect circle kinda thing. that crazy one person moshpit kinda thing. lol. i was getting pushed everywhere, hitting everyone, and i could not stop laughing. lol, not even for a second. we also found taylor's clone. they looked exactly alike. it was freaky. but also hilarious. we took a picture. and then there was us and one other school and the other school started singing some song with their guy that just came out. so reeves started our song, john jacob, and reeves never starts it, so it was funny. so we sang it. and then the school started up and a different song. and then the school was facing us, and we were facing them. and it was like one of those silly face offs, like with dancing or singing or cheering.and then they finished and we sang john jacob one last time, we were yelling, were screaming, we were singing, doing our drama dance, jumping up and down. we flared. we seared. we were fire. (points for monologue reference) then we ran towards that school and they ran towards us all crazy like we were gonna beat each other up, but we just had a big group hug. it was great. i cracked up. at that moment, i realized how happy drama makes me. how happy those people make me. how great i feel. so i was giving everyone a hug saying, i love drama, i love drama, i love drama. then ali came out. we didn't really know what to say. we got on the bus. the ride home was a little but quiter, but not much. still hyper. still crazy. me and dwight got back into our in depth conversation and talked till we got back. i enjoyed it. we got to school. unloaded. then we headed over to dalton's.
first i stopped home to get my stuff. my parents were all angry and we got in a fight but i don't want to talk about that. got to dalton's. everybody cheered me up. breck, me, and katrina didn't get to play oujia so i felt bad, but it's okay. raincheck. we all talked for a while and then watched some family guy episodes. i dared dalton to roll around in the snow in his boxers. it didn't take much convincing. but it was really funny to watch him from the living room window. then we watched the skeleton key. it was pretty good. good ending, even though the bad guys won. then we watched sin city. everyone thought it was pretty gross but i still love it. feminist. vengeful. perfect. i loooove it. bri kept waking up halfway through it and being like, "whoa.." or "that's gross.." it was funny. by the time it was over, everyone was basically passed out. except for me, ben, and dwight. so we went downstairs and talked for like 2 hours. it was funny. once again, I LOVE BONDING! dwight got up to go to the bathroom. and i took his chair. and we were all so tired and out of it..and ben's like, "you know dwight is gonna murder you...in your face!" and from the bathroom dwight goes, "welcome to my face!"haha. blaine woke up and joined the conversation. then dwight passed out and it was me, ben and blaine talking. shortly after, michael woke up and came downstairs, so it was us. then it was like 7ish and i started getting ready for work. me and ben were the only ones who stayed up all night, i love you ben!! wooo. so im getting ready and everyone starts getting up. and they're in the kitchen eating breakfast and yelling being really loud and i'm yelling from the bathroom while i'm doing my hair and stuff, joining the convos. crazy, fun conversations. and we're all laughing. and everyone who's still sleeping in the living room have their blankets and pillows over their heads cuz we're so loud. haha. so we talked for a while longer, then my mom got there to pick me up for work. i departed and said my goodbyes.
then got a huge thing of cappicuno on my way. and donuts. got to work early. and i was really hyper. she trained me with the wrapping and calculator work. and then sarah got there. well, sarah got there 15 minutes before that and i had to go find her. lol. but then i was all telling stories about state and stuff, and being really hyper, and saying random things. as the day went on, business was kind of slow. mary was sad. and i felt bad. but me and sarah were doing our jobs and we were really hyper. we were having an awesome time. sorting glass is even fun with you maranara! the customers were crazy, especially the little demon girl. lol. or soon to be demon girl, either way. we were saying crazy things. and i think we were scaring the customers. but not too horribly. then we ate subway for lunch and i drank two mountain dew energy drinks. on a another break we had later, tim started a snowball fight. and it was so fun. then sarah and tim ganged up on me and put a snowball down my shirt. down my pants it went. and i kept missing tim. no matter what, i could not hit him! but i could usually get sarah. then we went inside. i went back out and threw snowballs at tim's window cuz that's where they were. went back inside and me and tim attacked sarah trying to tickle her. and we were just cracking up. i was laughing so hard, i could hardly say anything. and we were chasing her. and then i put an ice cube down her shirt and she chased me and put it right in my bra. ahh. ::sigh:: it was fun. fun indeed. then, on our way out to the shop, sarah snuck up behind me and put a snowball on my head. and i was chasing her trying to get her, and she has this really cute look on her face, feeling bad for smashing the snow on my head, and she goes, "SORRY!" and as she's saying sorry, she hits me with another one. lmao. it was hilarious. and she went in the shop so i couldn't get her. and tim got me right as i was walking in. then when we were leaving. sarah started breathing really heavy. and she just looked at me. and then she just all of a sudden, dropped down like she fainted and she started laughing. lmao. and i looked at tim, cuz he was standing outside of the window, and he's like, "What the fuck!" haha. then tim nailed me with a snowball when i came around the corner of the garage. ouch. i've got a battle scar from that one. lol. ahh. winter fun. we worked some more. sat around some more. then i got lost in the movie Cellular. good movie. and we ate spaghetti for dinner and had a really fun dinner table conversation. i love that house. i love that family. i love you guys. then i left. gave big hugs and sad goodbyes. *mwah*. wear your ring everyday sarah beara. and i just wanna say...shh. no wait..SHH! but..SHHH! lol.
then went home and grabbed some stuff. and i got lost on the way out to blaines! but we finally found our way. i got there. we were missing quite a few people. but it was awesome. let's see.. we had, me, molly, megan, blaine, ben, ashley, ali, michael, taylor, (dalton came later), breck..and i think that's about it. we played don't break the ice! I HAVEN'T PLAYED THAT IN YEARS! it was fun. we played a few games and then we had a competition with it. the elimination. the loser of the game would be out, and then they'd pick where the little red guy would go for the next game, and if someone knocked down that square they'd be out...etc.. i got down to the last three or four. it was funny. breck was all serious and had a technique for everything, but it was really funny. i think ben won. then we played uno jenga! HOLY SHIT WAS THAT FUN! sitting around and playing board games. it was awesome. we did the elmination with uno jenga too. it was crazy. i've never palyed that game before. it was a scream. it was intense.we were listening to some crazy techno music and some of the guys were all dancing around. it was hilarious. and it fit in perfect with the little competitions. it just cracked me up.it was down to me, ben, and blaine. either blaine or molly, i don't really remember. during my turn, blaine blew it down, lol. but we were sick of it anyway, so we stopped there and moved on to the next game. then we just played uno, the card game. that was fun too. i only had one card left, and everyone knew it was red so they were trying to make sure i wouldn't win. but someone put down a 6 and it was a 6 and bam. i won! it was exciting at the time. then breck and ali got back from getting ice cream. i don't think i mentioned that they left. too wrapped up in petty fun nonsense. we ate chocolate chip cookie dough and reeses peanut butter cups. yum. then we started watching the best of chris farley, and i fell asleep for like 30 minutes. i guess i snored...again. damn it. lol. but then i woke up and me, breck, blaine, ben, ashley, and dalton went in the computer room the ouija for a while. then they thought it was a good time to tell me that someone shot themself in his house, in that room. and yes, his mom confirmed it. i was freaking out. freaking out. nothing too scary happened though. but this time it was really cool. it was moving really fast. it was some guy named zach and he was part of a guild. and we asked what? and he said "alabaster"or something. and that leads to ivory. and we asked what they did? and he said "dirty dealings". and we asked what they were, and he said "killings". and we said, of what? and he said, "lesser men". we figured out it was the KKK. and we asked if it was and he said yes. he said he was related to ben and blaine by blood. then i think it switched to another spirit in the middle. and this one died in the war. and we asked if he had anything to say to us. and he said "caution". we asked "caution for what"? and he said "betray". and we asked who? and he said, "you must find out". we asked if he could give us any advice? and he said "steel your will". and we asked if he meant will power or living will. and he said "will power". and we asked against what? and he said "friend" or something. and we asked if someone would betray anyone in the room? and he said, "yes". and we asked who? and i think that's when he said, "someone will find out". and then he went to "goodbye". so we put it away and we were planning on going to bed because we were tired. but instead the guys wanted to play cards so i stayed up with them. ashley went to bed. so it was just me, blaine, ben, breck, dalton, and taylor. they tried to teach me this one game but it wasn't really working and nobody really liked it except ben. lol. and then we were playing rummy, but i didn't exaclty understand it. so we played b.s. as always, breck has like a technique for everything. he was such a cheater! and we didn't catch on till later, mr. putting like 16 cards down for 2! lmao. i was really sucking at first. but it got more entertaining. everything just started getting really funny and i was laughing and i was really out of it. and breck was just geeking his little heart out, and he's like, "when you don't sleep for a long time. it's like you're inontcicated". i can't spell how he pronounced it but it was funny. i couldn't stop laughing. and then breck laughing would just make me laugh that much harder because he has one of those horribly contagious laughs and it sounds like a donkey or something. lol. i made fun of him for his word for the rest of the night, though. after someone won on b.s. we moved on to Sorry. lol, we were all way to damn tired. and taylor was pissing me off. i was on D's team and he was basically moving for both of us cuz i'd hardly ever pay attention, i'd be talking to someone else next to me. after ben and taylor's team won. we put it away and went our seperate ways. the plan was to go to bed. i got in my sleeping bag by the rest of the girls. and the guys go in blaine's room and get ready for bed. i'm lying there, starting to get comfortable. and trying to get to sleep. cuz for someone reason i couldn't. and then i hear dalton singing in the other room. and then i hear all of the guys singing. and then i heard more and more and louder and louder singing. and i was like, wtf now. and then after that died down, all you hear is the guys laughing their asses off. they were talking but i couldn't hear what they were saying..all i could hear was them laughing, REALLY LOUD. so i was lying there thinking, "okay, if they don't shut up in two minutes, i'm either going to tell them to shut up, or i'm going to talk to them and see what's so funny because i can't fell asleep.." but i passed out soon after. then i woke up around 10ish.. and everyone was getting up. the guys were crazy hyper and ben almost jumped on me. we ate pancakes. we all talked for awhile and then we started watching that one movie, the league of extraordinary men.. i kept dozing off..on and off. and someone would look over at me and it would wake me up..and they'd laugh at me and tell me i was snoring and i'd hit them. and then i'd try to watch the movie and i'd keep falling asleep. and ben kept hogging my pillow. towards the end, i sat up and stayed sitting and i watched like the last 20 minutes. after it was over, everyone started leaving..after a while it was just me, molly, blaine, and megan. i called home to get a ride. i "woof, woof"ed in their spanish skit (don't ask). lol. and then i came home. i'm really tired, and my eyes are like...dying. but i just feel awesome. i had the best weekend ever. hung out with my drama buddies. had crazy conversations. played games. laughed my ass off. hung out with tim and sarah. crazy snowball fights. spaghetti. ice cream. love! there is so much love everywhere! AHH! I LOVE YOU PEOPLE! i'm so glad we all get along so well..
after this great time i had..
wait. did i mention this? THE PLAY IS OVER! IT'S OVER! WE'RE FINALLY DONE! WE NEVER HAVE TO DO IT, EVER, EVER AGAIN! yessssssssssssssssss!!!! even though the lines are still in our heads and if we say something that reminds us of it, we all say the line. urgh.lol. but still. it's finally over.
but anyway. after this awesome weekend..
really all that's left to make things perfect..
is SLEEEEP, a lot of sleep.. and to meet a perfect boy and fall in love.
haha.
so, this is the longest entry in history. but it's worth it because this was the best weekend ever. and we only have 2 days of school this coming week.
i love you tim and sarah. i love you mary.
i love you drama buddies. i love cappicuno and caffeine. i love stewie. i love john jacob. i love celebrating. i especially love the people that i can count on to be staying up with me and entertain me. lmao. ahh. memories, forever. but i didn't get hardly any pictures, so we gotta do this again soon. I LOVE PICTURES! i love drama. i love this. i even love reeves right now!
i lost my hyperness. but i'm still really happy...finally.
on a good note,
the master of allnighters,
wallmart ring wearing,
lover not a fighter,
newly dyed radiant red haired,
singer of songs no one knows,
worst card game player ever,
oujia board provider,
the one you all love(haha),
the hooker legged,
CRAZY PSYCHO GIRL,
cute black hat wearing,
cute pink slipper wearing,
comfortable spot taker,
intoncicated,
awesome listener,
horrible story-teller,
violent one who wants to kill taylor,
soon to be mosiac maker,
snowball fighting,
non-political girl in the corner,
murdered in the face,
yeller from the bathroom,
pretty eyed,
yours truly,
athena- the goddess of wisdom,
alissa. |
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| </3 *'''*'... fantasy date night ... '*'''* </3 |
[Nov. 17th, 2005|12:18 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | alkaline trio | ] |
lucas was standing there with rachael. she's standing there half naked, and all he does is tell her to put her clothes on. it doesn't phase him at all. he's in love with someone else. he tells her that he knows brooke is the one, and there is nothing that would change that, or change his mind about her. she blindfolds him and tells him to make the shot..(they're in a basketball court) she tells him to let his destiny guide him, and if him and brooke are really meant for each other, he'll make it. and he did.
scene flashes to brooke and chris. chris that asshole, i hate him. and she's a little tipsy talking about how she knows lucas is the only one for her...
sometime later, lucas tells rachael to drop him off at brooke's. he needs to make things right, he needs her to know.. he needs to be the one she wanted. he sneaks into her room, quiet not to wake her..and says, "Brooke.." she opens her eyes and looks at him. it starts off as a smile and turns into a really weird look. lucas smiles. my heart is going crazy thinking it's finally all going to be okay..
and then.. chris wakes up and starts to sit up on the other side of the bed..
and i'm pretty sure they're naked. lucas is..shattered, to say the least.
the show ends..
::tear:: lucas fought for brooke. just like she wanted. he fought until the end to have her and only her, and not that non-exclusive bullshit. and he gets there, and what happens? she's in bed with another guy!! and chris, of all guys. he, who broke up nathan and haley's marriage. i'm outraged. my heart breaks at the sight of his face.. of that scene..
omg. that show is so real. they are wonderful actors, and you've seen them all, you feel like you actually know them..
i want a lucas. i really do. and i want to be exclusive and to have him fight for me. and i want to be the perfect beautiful brooke without the fucking it up part. so, where are you?
* "the heart has it's own reason that not even reason can explain.." * |
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| *-i-t- -w-a-s- -a-l-l- -s-l-o-w-e-d- -d-o-w-n- -a-n-d- -i- -w-a-s- -l-i-k-e-...-"w-h-o-a"-... |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|04:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | June- My Side Of The Story | ] |
so. i'm sick of school. i'm sick of all this he said she said nonsense. i'm sick of running around in circles, hearing different stories and different things and not knowing who to believe. it is a waste of my time. i'm hurt. i'm angry. i'm upset. and i keep hearing all these different things about this situation when i just want to forget it. i'm not going to explain it because that would take far too much time.
god. highschool drama is far too overrated.
oh, side note, prissy bitches from new london need to get a life. like, danielle. she's a closed-minded snobby bitch. it's like...omg..a tomato, i don't like tomatos, no one can like tomatos, RUN AWAY! that was a pretty stupid example. but, she really is stupid to that extent. so it's appropriate. and, honey. you are not better than me. you are not better than anyone. no one is better than anyone else, except for maybe jared leto..*melts*. but, come here and say that nonsense of yours to my face sweetheart, so i can kick your cheerleading ass. and..go give kyle a blow-job. haha. ^.^
ok. back on track. sectionals were very fun. WE'RE GOING TO STATE! YES! WE ARE GOING TO STATE! the bus rides were pretty fun. as they always are the best part, right? when we got there, we didn't have a host, so we really had no idea where we were supposed to go and we walked through their lunch room when everyone was having lunch and it was hilarious. our performance pretty much kicked ass besides a few exceptions. our judge was really funny and he gave us a couple good pointers and wonderful compliments. so, it was good fun.
then when i got home. my mom took me to tims. we went to get sarah. and we were off to go up north! lakewood, was it? yeah..soo.. I was really hyper in the car and we got burger king. and the ride was fun. i think my hyperness rubbed off on sarah. and i was shooting out these random comments and having stupid conversations with everyone. and when we got there we ran around in the grocery store getting food and being crazy. sarah was shooting off some dirty comments all night. hehe. but i love her to death. we got to tim's aunt's house and met her and her husband and such. and the cute dog clyde! ahh, i love him. then me, tim, and sarah just hung out downstairs for a while and discovered the most orgasmic thing ever. this massager thingy on the chair. omg, heaven. then we went in the hot tub. we sat out there for like an hour and a half, i swear. we were all dizzy and all the fun stuff. theeeeeen...we hung out in me and sarah's room..(yeah, we had rooms! it was cool..) and talked and stuff. we went upstairs to get a snack, and we got poptarts.. i ♥ poptarts. (poptarts for my broken heart.) and sarah cut the crust off and it was soo adorable. lol, had to mention that. so we hung out and i layed on the massager thing for like an hour. and then we went to bed..
next day we just kinda hung out some more. then, ran around down by the little river and played fetch with clyde. we went to the store to get mary's stuff to take it back to her shop. and then, when we got back sarah, tim, and me just played mario party forever. it rocked. i loved it. then we drove back. it was a sleepy ride. i slept. and i think tim and sarah did too. then..we had to take sarah home..=( and then i was at tim's for a little while till my mom came to get me.
went home. basically sat around. hung out with kate, ashley, and dave for a little bit.
then passed out.
sunday, me, tim, and sarah played mario party for hooooouuurrs. it was awesome.
monday was whatever. i don't even remember. tuesday. blah. the disaster striked.
wednesday..last night..went to mike's house (not the one you're thinking of) with erica. it was fun. we talked and watched the news and laughed about random things like italian music on thanksgiving, women set on fire, backed chicken, and birds being stuffed in garbage cans. live birds.
today. blah. i came halfway through the day. i was sick, like i always am.
and i returned my math book to mr. feldt, cuz i'm dropping math. i barely had a choice. my mom and guidance counselor were basically forcing me too..
i handed my book to him..
and he said : "Thanks, you know, if you need help when you take it next year, i'll be here! I'm here a lot, so come in and get help, okay?"
and i said : "awww, thanks. i really appreciate it."
and he said: "take care of yourself alissa. this is what it's about. do what it takes to make alissa okay.
and i swear i was about to cry..and i said: thanks. you take care of yourself too.
and he said.: but, i'm already so glad that i got to know you this year. so this is too bad.
and i said: I know! I'm gonna miss you mr. feldt and diet pepsi and doughnuts. (an inside joke with the class)
and he just laughed and laughed and said: bye alissa.
and i said "bye". like a normal person.
but god, i just wanted to cry. and thinking about it just makes me wanna cry. and he was so sweet about it. and i do miss him. and i do really miss that class. grr! i'm really upset about it. and i'm so mad that i wasn't able to keep that class, and that i wasn't able to do it! my stupid attendance, and the doctors, and my parents and the pills! i hate myself for giving up on this. i wanted to pull through. and i know..that even if i got an A this coming quarter i'd only average a C for the semester, and that really isn't good enough...but..i wanted to do it. i could have done it. but my parents wouldn't allow it. so it isn't all my fault i guess.
::sigh::
jimany jillickers. i have no idea how to spell that.
tomorrow is friday. and we get to see the musical. i'm excited.
ooh, and yesterday we had to watch an human disection. it was disgusting. it was on tape...but my stomach just bagsdfguerr..
and for those of you who know what i'm talking about..
"time to go to pennsylvania"..
lmao.
adieu! |
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| - where's the one standing in my way? - |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|10:23 pm] |
"Self-Conclusion"
♥
Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world
♥
"Excuse me, sir,
But I have plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right"
My reply:
"Excuse me, miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Of exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to?"
♥
She said, "I don't care, you don't even know me"
I said, "I know but I'd like to change that soon, hopefully"
♥
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
♥
"You make it sound so easy to be alive
But tell me, how am I supposed to seize this day
When everything inside me has died?"
My reply:
"Trust me, girl
I know your legs are pleading to leap
But I offer you this easy choice-
Instead of dying, living with me"
♥
She said,"Are you crazy? You don't even know me."
I said, "I know, but I'd like to change that soon hopefully"
♥
Yeah, we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets
♥
I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motivation, it could never be enough
I could stand here all night trying to convince you
But what good would that do?
My offer stands, and you must choose
♥
"All right, you win, but I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than my atttempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming"
"Settle, precious, I know what you're going through
Just ten minutes before you got here I was going to jump too"
♥
Yeah we all flirt with the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion in one simplified motion
You see the trick is that you're never supposed act on it
No matter how unbearable this misery gets |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|05:19 pm] |
`'`'`' - I play my happy-go-lucky act so well..
sometimes I almost fool myself.. - `'`'`'`' |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|04:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Story Of The Year- Pay Your Enemy | ] |
hmmm. what's been up lately?
let's go back in time.
over that break we had at the end of the quarter. i had some fun.
wednesday night, goodwill had it's grand opening..and bri and i went with some other of our drama buddies. we ran around. and i got a very cute hat, shoes, and a jacket thingy for like, under 10 bucks. so it was pretty damn fabulous.
then we headed over to ali's house for her "Awesome Advanced Drama Halloween Party". alright, it kicked ass! we watched valentine. ate speghetti. everyone was screaming and jumping at all the scary parts and it was hilarious, unforunately, i never got scared (until later). then we watched Anchorman, first time i ever saw it. it was pretty funny. now, we all quote it in drama far too often. lol. but it's okay. then i went to get my ouija board from bri's car. we started playing with it but everyone wanted to watch Amytiville Horror.. so bri, me, michael, blaine, ben, katrina, olivia, and.. i think breck for a little while. went in and played it. it was fucking SCARY AS HELL! it started working really good and moving really fast, and going in really fast freaky circles. after they started the movie, it was only me, bri, katrina, blaine, olivia and ben in there. everyone else was making fun of us but we didn't care. it was crazy insane. it was awesome.
Alexander..
died in the civil war.
wants vengeance on mine and ben's ancestors.
any advice? R-E-P-E-N-T.
"who's in the bathroom?"
D-E-A-T-H
*screams and stuff from the bathroom*
"Holy shit guys! I almost just killed jill and molly!"
yeah. so there was some other freaky shit that i'm sure i can't remember. so anyone who does, just comment.
uuh. then we watched house of wax. then started watching silence of the lambs and dwight and i talked for hours. most of us stayed up all night and then me, bri, katrina, breck, and ben went to play the ouija board again. (we're addicted)
"any more advice for us alexander?"
O-N-E W-I-L-L F-A-L-L
"fall where?"
F-A-L-L D-O-W-N
"down where?"
H-E-L-L
right at that moment, jill and ali bang on the windows from outside and we all scream.
it rocked my socks
right off my feet.
then bri and i went to that independent movie shooting where they needed extras. talked to some cute guy about photography and video classes at his college. we waited for like..2 hours and then left cuz we were sick of waiting and bri had to be home.
sat around, visited people at the rec center.
and then took a nap cuz i hit my record...Up for 58 hours.
that night i went to cole's house with bri and we talked, listened to music, and watched land of the dead. fun stuff.
uuh..the next day was..friday? ahh yes! i worked with mary. took pictures with tim of the glass things and what not. that night, me, tim, boo, and sarah went to a haunted house in greenville with two girls and two guys from new london. it was fun. pretty scary actually. i screamed. but i hate that SANTA CLAUSE! that bastard. uuh..then ran around walmart being stupid. haha, i hid from sarah. and the horsey brought us luck to find your cell phone maranara!!
umm..then..went home and slept. saturday..went to work with sarah on our little business expedition. (yes, we are starting our own business. i have a business partner named sarah, she rocks. let me know if you're interested. maybe we'll make you something pretty.) ate pizza. played DDR for a little bit. ahh, sarah, that purple one was insaaaaane! then i had to go home to get ready for ashley's party..
looked through my closet and found some crazy nonsense to wear. i was dressed in basically all black and white and it had dried roses sticking out everywhere. it was cool. i was a ...dead flowerbed? and ashley painted cobwebs on my face and her sister painted roses. it rocked. the party was pretty fun. i almost god killed! ronny made himself bleed. we laughed. we cried..okay we didn't cry. but it sounded good. we watched family guy. i talked to the french girls for a really loooong time. met ashley's horses. 'twas a good night indeed. umm. before i update, i always think of really funny memories and things that i want to write about in here.. but when it comes to the time that i'm actually writing about my weekend or whatever, i feel like i leave so many things out! i feel like that right now! but oh well i spose..
then i went home and passed out..
uh, sunday. i can't remember sunday. why not? ohh yeah! i caught up on gilmore girls and one tree hill so far. i cried. this time i really did. lol. they were good! then did homework.
then this week has been blah. the usual.
today i went on a field trip with spanish club. i was with erica. it was fun. folkdancing! it was crazy. they were awesome. then we ate at El Azteca and talked to the mexican waiters, they made me nervous though..they talked soo fast. and we sang happy birthday to senora even though it wasn't her birthday..haa..
tomorrow is sectionals for the one act. im nervous, but extreeeeeemmmely excited. we're leaving right after 2nd hour i think. weee. WISH US LUCK!! we're statebound.. i hope, i know..damn it..im gonna jynx it.
so yes. i have to go.
so.
good luck advanced drama. im shaking in my cute shoes that hurt my toes.
goodbye highscool drama..
hellllllloooo sectionals..
i'll update in a couple of days.
'till then. |
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| *¤* I Wish I Could Be The One, The One Who Won't Care At All. *¤* |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|01:39 am] |
- one last thing.. -
♥
♥
♥
♥
°×° I live in notes and photographs,
and everything I'm holding back,
but you're the words that weren't enough,
you remind me of a song I used to love.. °×°
°×° The curtains rising just like the ante,
Here we go now, break a leg..
No, I literally mean it this time around.
I'm sick of you leading me on,
I'm sick of you stringing me along.. °×°
×I×C×R×O×S×S×M×Y×H×E×A×R×T× |
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| - not so much.. but not enough.. - |
[Oct. 22nd, 2005|01:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | avenged sevenfold | ] |
hmm.
just wanted to drop in and say..
school has been sucking lately. much more than i could ever imagine.
but, thursday night was the district competition for the One Act. and WE KICKED ASSSSSSS! lemme just say that. it rocked. YOU GUYS WERE AWESOME! I LOVE YOU! we all did the "drama dance" and sang.."john-jacob..." blahblahblahblahblah! and now it is our tradition. cuz we fucking killed it. to say the least. and WE'RE GOING TO SECTIONALS! November 4th. nervous as hell but i can't wait.
then tonight was the marian maze. we went and dressed up and got all scary or whatever and popped out at people. it was fun as hell. it was their busiest night, we were out there for 5 hours straight. i had a fucking awesome time with bri, michael, blaine, and ben. ["i wanna give you head.."] and all of our screaming and death noises, and creepy singing. the door creaking. me jumping out and hitting the snack guy! haha. ["hey! i know you! my dad and your dad are both dads!"] all the crazy drunk people. my throat hurts so bad..i can hardly talk. but it was all worth it. ["don't lose your head..ahahhaha"] and we just can't forget, ["Where are you going, JERRY?!"] and scaring the hell out of "bridget" whoever she was. we got tons of scares. you guys were great..
and then walking through at the end and katrina scaring the shit out of me! and lisa, breck, and will. you guys were awesome.
then having our crazy hyper talks on the way back. funfunfun. singing our song.
LOL and playing kitty in the corner after we ate pizza! that was awesome! ADVANCED DRAMA RULES! damn, we stress that way too much. and we set such a good example huh?
haaa. but yes. it 'twas fun. fun indeed.
buhbye.
beauty sleep.
♥ |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|06:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | underoath | ] |
well, hello.
i didn't go to school today. i'm even more fucked. ::yippee!:: i just couldn't. i got up, and i'm like, "no fucking way.."
sleeping pills? who the fuck does that? damn doctors.
but anyway. i slept basically all day. now i'm at tim's. i still feel like crap. sick. kinda sad. tired. i haven't eaten but i'm not hungry so that makes sense.
sarah just got here. i love her. but they are all sitting in the other room playing halo and i'm sitting here writing this cuz i don't wanna play. so that kinda sucks. but oh well.
and me and tim were trying to plan a surprise party for boo tonight. but guess what? no one is showing up. cuz of the football game. so yay..
now that nothing i want to work out is working out. imagine the irony in that statement. i guess i meant that everything i wanted to work out, isn't working out. hooray.
but i fell in love last night. with a hat. lol, i know, i'm pathetic. i'm wearing it. i feel adorable. it's very "me".
but wow, i just noticed that most of this entry is extremely sarcastic.
well, i don't have much of anything to say right now. so i'm going to depart.
yours truly,
*the autumn-haired seductive teddy bear* |
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| - and i feel like this is going nowhere. - |
[Oct. 12th, 2005|07:10 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Rise Against- Swing Life Away | ] |
First of all..
i'd like to mention really late monday night. it sucked.
♥ Sid, thank you so much for being there for me and cheering me up. it means a lot to me. And, you don't have cancer!
but, where have you been? you disappeared.
Moving on.
Tuesday. Horrible day. got to school. slouching. bags under my eyes. looking and feeling like shit. but somehow my hair looked just as cute as ever. weird how that works. what was all wrong doesn't matter really, just that it sucked. and still does.
but some things, and some people. I JUST LOVE YOU. here are some shout outs to the people that made my day a little less unbearable..
basically in order of when they happened.
♥ First of all, my cd player..holy fuck, what would i do without you?
♥ Amy and Elizabeth-- for giving me a hug right away in the morning when you could tell i was sad. no questions asked.
♥ Erica-- you rock! thanks for listening to me, and telling me that I can run to your house in my jim-jams whenever i want. i'm really happy for you and "Papa Smurf".
Oh, and.. Jesús: "¡Olé,Olé! ¡Mi amor!"
♥ Mr. Feldt-- thanks for asking me that really easy question in math so that i got it right.
and for making me laugh.
♥ Mrs. Mead-- thank you so much for giving me the extension on my novel. i really appreciate it. a huge weight has been lifted.
and for leaving those cute comments on my essay.
and for calling me a good writer. *half smile*
♥ Tim--for giving me hugs whenever i need one.
♥ Bri-- for being such a sweetheart.
♥ A+ on my Sociology test.
♥ Pauline-- for making me laugh and teaching me some more French. I never want you to go back.
♥ Ashley-- for making me smile and look forward to Halloween.
HEY! let's punch him!
"He's a walking penis!"
♥ Sarah-- for trying to surprise me. =) and for being just the best, and cutest girl ever. and the bestfriend a lissy-bo-bissy could have.
♥ Boo-- for loving your present and your awesome birthday cake. and for throwing such a fun cute little birthday bash.
More about after school though. it was just awesome! I was really sad at first, having a horrible day. and we got to tim's. and we were sitting around waiting to see if sarah could come over. but something was going on, it was really suspicious. i heard sarah's voice on the phone with mary..and mary said sarah wasn't on the phone. then mary disappeared. then sarah was telling me and tim online that she couldn't come over, and we were just like "nuh-uh! you liar! you are so coming over. shut up!" and she just kept saying, "no i cant.." and we believed her cuz she was just so serious. and we got really sad..and we were like damn..she's not coming. so me and tim were sitting there on the computers for a while talking to people. and we didnt really realize much when mary sent bryan to "go to fleet farm". of course, we suspected, but that, nah..we're just hoping, right? and a lot of time passes..and all of a sudden sarah tells me, "i gotta go do my homework!" and i'm thinking WHAT?! sarah? homework? excited? what is wrong with this picture? and then i asked if i'd talk to her later and she said "i dunno..i got lots of homework!" and i was like, "tim.." and he's like.."i know!"and she's like, "okay! i really gotta go, bye!" and she said goodbye to tim in the shortest time in history ever. so we knew what was going on. we figured it out..and we just knew it. and we were jumping around and really excited and telling mary that we figured it out. and she said she didn't know what we were talking about. but we knew. we just knew. watched the dance dance video and awaited sarahs arrival.
boo arrived and he was smiling..and we were like, "where is she?" and he's like "what the hell are you talking about?" and we went back to the shop and there she was, hiding! and it was just great. i was instantly in a better mood. it was awesome. i just hugged her and said, "thanks for surprising me, but i knew it!"
we hung out. me and boo watched the family guy dvd, we ate cake, got really hyper off gummi bears and purple mountain dew. had lots of fun.
and that night...
♥ Greg-- for making me laugh and letting me fall asleep on the phone with you. haha.
and then Wednesday rolls around. hey, that's today. I find out that I have another doctor appointment. Get this, I'm there for like 4 hours. I missed all my morning classes. grr. I'm even more behind than I was before. yippee! I'm fucked! I'm sick of doctor appointments, I'm sick of counselors, I'm sick of pills. I'm sick of my dad. Well, now that I'm done complaining..Thanks to whoever made me happy today..
love you guys.
♥ Tim-- thanks for giving me a hug right away when i got here. and giving me a big hug when i was crying. you're the best.
♥ Bri-- for being such a sweetheart (again) and making sure I was okay and where I was this morning.
♥ Amy-- thanks for the big happy hug and making sure i was doing good. you are so sweet.
♥ haha. everyone in sociology class making me laugh..."ESPN?!"
"Hey Kelsey, are you orange?"
and for laughing at me when I was trying to be funny...
"Which one appeals to you more?
a.) production, or b.) design.."
"SHIT! I wanna be a production designer."
♥ Everyone at the lunch table for making me laugh with our conversation about walking penises.
♥ Dylan-- for giving me my "rebel doll".
♥ Jordan-- for having fun and being goofy with me in the weight room.
"it jumped on my feet!"
"Holy shit! I'm on the moon!"
"thanks for deflowing my weight room virginity!" screw your boyfriend, you're mine now! haha
♥ Breck and Dwight-- for making me laugh in drama.
♥ Erica-- for giving me "huggles and buggles" and love me and giving me a ride home. and making me laugh with your blonde moments.
and doing our homework together..and not doing our homework together.
"and you know what? they SUCKED!"
♥ Molly-- for giving me a big hug backstage.
♥ Greg-- Chili and peanut butter. you are crazy.haha.
♥ Sarah-- SMASH! BOOM! BANG! You rock sweetie. "listen to simple plan and do drugs!" haha.
♥ Michelle-- for making me laugh and calling me beautiful. can't wait till we take that road trip to Canada, eh?
haha. so yeah. theres bad. but theres also good. and writing all this made me smile.
so, i'm off to have another fucking horrible day tomorrow.
besides going shopping after school.
sweet.
♥ Me |
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| *- HOMECOMING PICTURES, MY FRIENDS -* |
[Oct. 9th, 2005|07:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  okay | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Garden State Soundtrack | ] |
* Will You Dance To This Beat, And Hold A Lover Close? *
Tim, Boo, Sarah, And Me Before The Dance..=)
Candle Light Dinner At McDonalds...
Timbo Beggins And Sarah-Beara-MARANARA!
Me And Boo-Bear! (damn red eye!)
Lissy-Bo-Bissy And MaraNara! we're so cute...=)
Me And Bri! aww!
The Love Birds. *mwah*
"The After Party.."
Haha..we found this amusing..
Me..
LMAO. I Don't Even Know..
PRETTY!
Me And MaraNara Before Bed. (Kinky Pillow Fight)
Random Pictures Of Me...On A Cute Day.. =)
I Copied You Sarah.=)
My Wonderful Hair. yay.
I Look Kinda Evil..
And We'll Dance The Night Away.. |
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| - Time To Dance.. - |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|08:03 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | panic! at the disco... | ] |
here are some random pictures.
some are from opposite day..(in other words, crossdressing days..)
and others are just random and crazy..
ENJOY!!...
oh, and i made my eyes blue in two of the pics with my little niece cuz my eyes were red in all of them..and i was pissed. so it looks kinda creepy. but its okay..lol. i tried...and you love me..
.have.fun...
Dwight and Trevor on opposite day..fucking crazy..
Tim on opposite day..I LOVE THIS PIC!
Bri and Dilly..ahaha..
Me..being a guy. Disturbing..
Me and Bri..
Dalton..-rotfl- this is the best..
Dylan..hahaha..
Will in Drama..
Ashley, Bri, and Will..
Tim and Sarah-Beara on the way to the concert..=) SO CUTE..
Me and My Fellow Sleepover Bonding Buddies.. the morning after Elizabeth's party..
Amy, Elizabeth, Me, Bri, Brandon, and Elizabeth's lil sister..
Pretty Flowers I Had To Remember..from Tim's front yard..
Pretty Beads from Mary's shop..
Me and my adorable niece Kayla..LOVE YOU SWEATPEA..
- This One Is The Best.. -
Tim and Boo practicaly passing out in my bed Friday Night/Morning..
Some Of My Ceiling..(I'm Weird..)
ALL HAIL THE HEARTBREAKER..
WHO ARE YOU FUCKING NOW?
NOW OLD CASSETTES AND CIGARETTES...
NO ONE WILL SAVE YOU...
Just A Crazy Random Yard That Made Me Laugh While We Were In Appleton..
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| - ..It's That Moment In Life When You Actually Feel Alive... - |
[Sep. 29th, 2005|07:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | spill canvas- your evil soul | ] |
so..I went to The Spill Canvas concert with Tim, Boo, and Sarah..
it was fucking awesome! we saw This Day And Age too. And a little bit of Mashlin. we were late tho, because we went to Ryan's Ballroom instead of The Monkey Wrench, and we were freaking out that we were gonna miss them.. but when we found the Valley Fair Mall, me and Sarah just started screaming. it was great. we were soo excited..
they fucking rocked.
it was amazing. i want to write more about it, and i eventually will, but right now the pictures are much more important. so here ya are..
IT WAS THE FUCKING BEST..just absolutely amazing.
I would have died in that room if I could have..and I would know that I truly..
LIVED.
ahh..i wanna go back..
- You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim..:
-All Hail The Heartbreaker... -
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| -Okay Guys, No Broken Bones Today...- |
[Sep. 18th, 2005|01:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blindside- Coming Back To Life | ] |
today was fucking awesome.
last night was fucking awesome.
tim broke sarah. (its okay, we love you tim)..
so, last night I spent the night at sarah's and it was great. we played halo.. and i got my ass kicked. let's leave it at that. then we talked and sarah is like, "okay, i'm going to sleep now" so i start getting sleepy and she attacks me with her blue lit alarm clock! lmao. it was crazy. she kept attacking and we were laughing our asses off. she hit me in the head with it countless times but it just made me laugh harder. and that damn toy with that horrible noise! and then we had a kinky pillow fight which we will talk about forever and it will be our tradition for sleepovers to come. we woke up this morning. got ready. I was standing on the toilet to see myself in the mirror...hanging on to the towel rack..it broke. and i fell and made this loud noise..sarah runs in.."OMG ALISSA! ARE YOU OKAY?!" it was fucking hilarious..I love you sarah. i had an awesome night.
then boo and tim got there to get us at around 7 and we drove up north. like 2-3 hours. and we went to jump river or whatever. and it was a fucking awesome time. we ran and jumped around on all the huge rocks on the river. and then me and sarah wanted to sit in a waterfall...so we did..but i slipped and slid all the way down it and it was so damn fun! so we all slid down it then. and we went to find more waterfalls and sarah slipped down this really strong one and then i went down it and i was just fucking laughing the whole time. it was a wonderful experience. climbing on the rocks. hitting our butts. swimming. "What if a fish comes down it?" haha..the bees at lunch! that was crazy.."NO PEEKING!" then we went to the huge slide thing..and sarah got on tim's back for a piggy ride at the bottom of it..and he jumped off and sarah got hurt..=( some bones of hers cracked (i really hope it wasn't your ribs..) and she cried and i felt really bad so i cuddled her until mary and bob came down to help. we had to leave cuz it hurt so bad. I LOVE YOU SARAH! she looked so sad. so i basically slept on and off on the way back and then we dropped sarah off, and i missed her..=( but we are gonna go see her tomorrow. so it's okay for now. i hope you're sleeping good honeybunches.
then..we went back and unloaded the car. well tim didn't. lol. =P then boo and i went to rent movies and we all watched Crash and holy shit! IT WAS SOO GOOD! i loved it. it broke my heart though. and then we made fun of the Real World. and then boo took me home.
note to all of the readers..you should read sarah's livejournal instead of mine to sum up the day. because i'm really tired..i hope this is a good description and that it all makes sense.
i need to get to bed cuz boo is coming to get me tomorrow and then if sarah is feeling better we're all gonna go see The Exorcism Of Emily Rose. so..beauty rest for all
so i can dazzle everyone with my sparkly eyes..
and love for bryan,
sarah,
and tim.
*HUGS* |
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| -Now I'm In Stitches..Over You..- |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|04:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | silly | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Atreyu- At Least I Know I'm A Sinner | ] |
im stressed beyond belief with school and work and everything but it's okay.
CUZ I HAD THE BEST WEEKEND EVER!
saturday was a lot of fun. tim, sarah, boo and i helped mary out with the customers. or at least we tried. we watched for shoplifters..walked "through" the parade. and convinced the little girls to buy stuff. it was a good time. and boo left to go to work..but he came back and snuck up behind me and it was great. =D i squealed really loud. I LOVE SURPRISES! then he went to work and i missed him. but tim, sarah, and i had fun. we just hung out and then kinda went swimming but it was really cold. and sarah was allowed to spend the night at tim's because her parents were up north, so all day i was talking about how much i wanted to stay but how i knew i never could. but then mary calls my mom. and HOLY SHIT! she works miracles! she comes up to us and smiles and says, "you're staying!" and i was like YESSSSSS! it was awesome. then tim fooled around on xbox live and it was really funny.."hey man..stop fucking around.."
*while someone else is talking the whole time..Tim: shutup!shutup!shutup!shutup!
it was the fucking greatest. and then we walked around town. got chased by whores..."You need to wear looser pants sweetheart, are you gay?"
"YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE YOU FUCKING BITCH!"
some stupid guy: "I'm a gangsta.."
Tim: "No..you're white.."
haha. then we just hung out and i fell asleep while we were watching Garden State and tim left a note on the door for bryan that said, "look on small couch." cuz that's where i was sleeping. and i woke up to him getting home from work, standing in the doorway saying.."OMG! NO WAY!" he was so surprised. it was great. we cuddled and talked and then i went to sleep on the air mattress. sarah tried to sleep in tims bed.sorry hun.=( and we left tim on the couch..lol..sorry about that timbers. and boo went upstairs to his room. we were good kids. as always.
the next morning me, sarah, and tim had to go to church. and boo thought i wasn't coming back so imagine his surprise when i showed up because i forgot my movies at tim's..he looks at me..and he's like.."Oh my god!" it was great. we all went in the pool. and then just hung out till i had to go home.
school was meh on monday. after school bryan picked me and tim up and we burned jay leno's pictures and then went to sarahs. we swam in her pool and it started raining and then we played with all of her brothers toys. like that damn harry potter game. lol. so addictive. i'm not a whore guys..lol. then we got fries from mcdonalds for sarah and said our goodbyes.
then tuesday. meh. but after school me and boo hung out =D big surprise there. we watched a movie and i did my homework. layed around and cuddled. i tried to save a butterfly from the rain. and i ran from the "tornado". it was fun. he makes me laugh. i have such a great time with you boo-bear. then i fell off the couch trying to look at tim. haha. later, me and bryan cuddled in his bed upstairs and pet furball. we rolled around and laughed..and THE BUTTERFLIES! i love the butterflies. we gave each other a massage. and then tim came upstairs and they messed around on xbox live again and I LAUGHED MY LITTLE ASS OFF! i love it. it's fucking hilarious. you guys have the funniest voices ever. im gonna bottle em up. and i went to the bathroom..and when i was coming out..boo jumped out at me and i wasnt paying any attention so it scared the shit out of me and i jumped a million feet in the air and screamed really loud. lol. it was funny. im gonna get you back so bad boo.
then he took me home. the ride home always goes much too fast. and then he's gone..=( i hate goodbye scenes. i had an awesome time though. i always do. you're the best boo-bear.
AND TIM AND SARAH, YOU WHORES. I LOVE YOU! Saturday is gonna be awesome.
today was meh..i didn't get to school till 4th hour..I was really hyper in drama and i had to be a virgin goddess on stage and get "spit" on by protagnis.
now i've gotta do my homework..
SO ONCE AGAIN!
until something exciting and eventful happens..
which will hopefully be soon.
farewell. |
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| -I can feel you next to me...- |
[Sep. 10th, 2005|03:41 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Nural-Tension | ] |
I watched Garden State today with Erica. It was a wonderful movie. Here is a quote from it that I just <3<3<3 in every way and feel the need to share..
Sam: That's life. If nothing else, it's life. It's real, and sometimes it fucking hurts, but it's sort of all we have...
so. school is in session. and it is hell in every way. i have about an average of 2 hours of homework per night. so yay for anatomy and phsyiology! yay for core 4! yay for spanish 4! yay for sociology! yay for no study halls! yay for advanced drama, which is actually very fun. that's the only one i actually like.
erica is sleeping in my bed and i'm talking to bryan and watching him on webcam. i get to see him for a little while tomorrow and then help tim, sarah, and tim's mom with her jewelry stand. so, i'm 'cited and i gotta get to bed.
tonight was fun though. erica and i went to the football game and then came back here and talked, just sat down and talked about everything, for like 2 hours. and then we watched a movie..and giggled at my dad. haha..."D.O., WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!" "GIRLS! what movie are you watching?" haha. I'm off to bed..
*dreaming of revenge and paper cuts.
killing your thoughts with every breath..
just wait until the day you realize
you made the biggest mistake of your life.*
Oh..and just for kicks. HEY! 8th hour..Drama..This is for you..
"YOU'VE ALREADY PASSED HELL!"
so appropriate. what a wonderful end to a friday.
(auditions were a scream) |
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| -No Screams. Either I'm Just In Time...Or I'm Way Too Late...- |
[Sep. 5th, 2005|02:53 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Panic! At The Disco- The.....Martyrdom....Press Coverage | ] |
wow. okay. this weekend was a fucking scream! just like i thought it was going to be.
for some reason, when i describe things, i always go off on these big long stories and it takes me like, pages and pages to finish talking about it. but i don't care. i'm just gonna start writing about it. and if it's long and pointless. oh well! it's wonderful memories so it is worth it.
so let's see. boo picked tim and me up from school and we went to tim's to get everything. and we stocked up on soda and everything. let me tell you, i had way too much cherry vanilla dr. pepper this weekend. the drive there was fun. i was singing too loud and reading all the signs. tim fell asleep and we had to wake him up to navigate. we were laughing at stupid and crazy things. and then..about 2 hours later, we arrived! i run in the door and sarah is all excited and happy to see me, and her face lights up and she says, "ALISSA!" and i just go.."SARAH, WHERE IS YOUR BATHROOM? I have to pee soooo bad!!!" lol. it was great. and bryan was just like, " I offered to stop!!" haha. so we went to see her parents and looked around the cabin and everything. and then we sat around and talked and stuff. listening to music and playing super nintendo. laughing at each other. tim shaking his butt and dancing to super mario music. "yes master!" haha, remember that? then we got the flashlight and walked to the park. sarah was being absolutely crazy with that damn flashlight and shining it everywhere so me and boo kept trying to sneak up on her and steal it but it just wasn't working. so we swung on the swings for a while and then ran around on the playground. monkey bars and slides. and starry nights. the stars were really pretty that night. i remember. we all talked for a while. and then we had to go back. we heard the people at the bar up alll night. they were all singing and screaming and partying really loud. we stayed up really late just talking and cuddling. laughing and whispering. throwing stuffed animals and trying to make the bed squeak. lol, that sounds really dirty. and that damn nerf water ball or whatever it was. soda cans everywhere. blankets. music. too much bass. then somewhere along the night me and sarah finally went to our beds and i passed out like right away. i guess i was snoring. so i heard from everyone. thanks guys. haha. then boo came to wake me up in the morning. we all lazied around for a while and then we went to tubing. HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A FUN TIME! we had the two tubes hooked up at the same time and it was me and bryan on one and sarah and tim on the other. we kept trying to push each other and kick the tubes. and the tubes kept hitting each other and then we'd get pushed over the wake. god, it was a fucking awesome time. i laughed my ass off. and we got a couple pictures before the battery ran out. then we swam. and we took the giant raft out and sarah, tim, boo and i were just all laying out there in the sun, talking and stuff. and then bryan asked me out and they heard me squeal and they knew it happened before i even said yes. so now i have my perfect boyfriend in a box! hey you if you're reading this. then we ate pizza. we ate a lot of pizza this weekend. but it was good. then we layed around and stuff. played super nintendo and laughed at all the dogs running around. and then we went tubing again. i got some air this time. and me and sarah went together on a tube. then we all layed around and talked and stuff some more. went to the park again. this time with the video camera and i was swinging standing up. then we visited the beach and skipped rocks. and taped "The Notebook" all over again. haha. and ran around in the sand. and..took a little swim. lol. it was a little cold but we all had a good time. then we headed back and i scared sarah and i felt bad. then we stayed up really late again. boo and i watched Twister and talked about what we would do if we lost a pinky. haha. sarah was really tired so she was trying to sleep off and on. boo and i cuddled a lot and it was wonderful. you smell good! then i headed to my bed and boo came with me to cuddle till i fell asleep. and i threw my sweater off the bed and sarah just goes, "ALISSA! DID YOU JUST TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT!?" cuz it was really dark and she was on the bottom bunk. and it was very entertaining at the time. then boo left and i kept hearing tim and bryan crack up in the other room. they were laughing for like 10 minutes. i swear. cuz their room was right through the bathroom by ours. so i had to go tell them to shut up. well, i didnt really tell them to shut up. it was an excuse to go see bryan again. so that gave tim an excuse to go say goodnight to sarah again. so it was all good. then we all passed out and i woke up in the morning and i hit my head on the light and went and laid by everyone cuz they were mostly awake. and that is really ironic. then boo and tim had to help take the dock out. and we all went back to the cabin and got out the swamp checkers with the little froggies that shoot water out of their mouths and we all ran around the house having a little water war. and i hid in the bathroom but then they all got me good. and then we ran around outside, and back in the house. and we made a huge mess. and sarah got tim with a bowl of water and boo with a whole pitcher. then we decided to go tubing since we were soaked anyway. so we went tubing again and it was a blast. after a while. the guys took a break and it was just me and sarah in the tubes. we each had our own and we decided to sit in them instead of lay down. and it was so fucking fun. we were flying! i was going like 10 feet in the air. and we kept pushing and kicking each other. it was crazy, awesome fun and i'll never forget it. i wiped out so many times and my bottoms came all the way off. so i had to re-tie them in the water and i was getting back on the tube and i said, "Sarah, something doesn't feel right.." and she started cracking up and i realized i had put them on inside out. lmao. yay. sarah just wouldn't fall off though. i was getting angry. haha. so we did that for a while and then bryan went by himself. he was FLYING! he was holding on for dear life.
wow. so this entry is alreayd getting really long. im gonna try to shorten it up. we are all really sore from tubing. my butt is completely dead. im sitting on a pillow at the moment. when we got back we all lazied around and took little naps and cuddled before we had to head back. when we got to the green bay area we were approaching sarah and her parents and we almost caught up to them and it was really exciting but then we got stuck at the yield sign and then we got stop lights. we took a detour and went to appleton and i bought the new 30 Seconds To Mars cd. it's awesome. then we went to McDonalds. lmao, wow, we saw some funny people there. G-Unit and his ghetto girlfriend, the Cowboy, and Mr. Speedy. and then we were talking about how ugly El Caminos are, on the way back and Tim goes, "IT LOOKS LIKE A TRUCK DRY HUMPING A CAR!" haha. perfect description. and then we saw one like, seconds later. it was funny. so yes. we had an oh-so wonderful time. got back. talked to sarah. went to get Sin City. and then we watched that. Lovely movie. I absolutely adore it more and more every time i watch it. then boo, tim, and i talked for like an hour and then boo took me home. i didn't want him to leave. i miss him already. *kisses*
wow. i'm very tired. and my butt is just aching like a son of a bitch. i had a fucking awesome weekend. i went into extreme detail, and i could go even more into it, but i think i've covered it pretty well. it was just the best ever. i'm still smiling. ahh. drunk parents. "is that a video camera!? SWEET!" ahh! it was fucking great. i'll never forget it.
one last word for you guys..
"RAWR!"
love you all to pieces. |
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| i won't pick up the pieces. because i already have enough. |
[Aug. 16th, 2005|12:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blank | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Paramore- Emergency | ] |
*Coward. the next time you want to fuck me over, stab me in the front..*
i will refrain from caring.
i will refrain from saying anything that i actually mean..
am thinking..
wanna say..
all of it.
becuase fuck. well, really, it's pointless. but just, fuck off. fuck you.
fuck it. who fucking cares anyway.
today was fun. hung out at tims. we all ran around and taped stupid, funny things that will make us laugh forever. i have a huge swollen arm and marks from that damn gun. and NIGHT VISION. but it was all worth it. (and jeffery's candy and the lady with the crazy hair) many memories. and we all looked so cute on tape didn't we? even running away from the "man with the gun" and swinging on squeaky swings..and eating cake. haha. we gotta get together and watch that soon.
<>and we give and we give
but its all for nothing
its all for nothing
we try to resist but I give
everything and its all for nothing..<>
<<<*..So let me drown so I can breathe again
I’m through choking and suffocating
on alter egos and ulterior motives
which weigh you down and take control of
the way you are and the things that you need
the life you live and the dreams that you dream
distort and blur all in slow motion
they broke you down and now you're broken
and it’s sadder than the saddest movie
I ever saw but with out the beauty
so I stopped watching, I stopped caring
I lost all interest and I stopped wearing
these plastic smiles I’ll wash my hands clean
I'll forget that you forgot about me
and I’ll live the life, the big city feeling
cause it’s better than suburban dreaming
Living off the friends that hate you
who talk shit on me
like I don't know who my real friends are
anymore no I don’t know you anymore
and it’s sadder than the saddest movie
I ever saw but without the beauty
so I stopped watching, I stopped caring
(spill the ink and spill your guts again)
spill the ink and spill your guts again
I've fallen asleep with my eyes open
(and you'll lie to all your friends)
(about sights you never saw)
shutting down and off the lights
(and you'll preach to all the press)
(about what you don't know at all)
cause after all of this it's all or nothing
still I wouldn't try to fight..*>>>
spill your fucking guts. |
|
|
| -hope is so much closer to beauty than sorrow.- |
[Jul. 28th, 2005|03:03 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | JamisonParker- Paper, Rock, Scissors | ] |
ahhh. how wonderful.
things are really crazy right now. things you wouldn't even expect. never. not at all. but they're happening. some good. some bad. but hey, that's life. i guess you have to let these things happen.
i hung out with boo, tim, and sarah today. now, that was an awesome time. i had a blast. they came to get me and made fun of my dog, lol. and put a cd on his back. then we went back to tim's and just hung out. listened to music. talked a lot. laughed. you know. the usual. all that good stuff. then we went on the trampoline and tried to kill each other. (ABUSE YOU GUYS! i'm telling you..) then just layed around on the trampoline and talked..and boo and me went on the computers..and talked to each other when we were sitting right next to each other, like the losers we are.. haha. it was fun. and tim and sarah (those smart little nerds..haha..jk) made my background work for me on myspace. Thanks you guys. and then boo fell asleep on the couch. awww. adorable. he was really tired.
so then..sarah, tim and I walked to the gas station to get soda and stuff. and this lady with really crazy black hair just started mopping the floor. and me and sarah just started laughing. and it was really funny. i enjoyed it. then we were walking back..and this little 6 yr old on a bike...(well i guess he was 10? haha) yelled, "Get outta the way AFRO MAN!" lmao. it was hilarious.
then we got this crazy idea that we thought it would be fun to go swimming at like 9:00. it was fucking FREEEEEZING. but it was fun. i had to wear tim's old clothes. it makes me laugh. it was a good day. i need a lot more of those.
then we took sarah home. and then we took me home! and now i'm waiting till we can do it again. we gotta take sarah to the mall soon guys. haha. it'll be nuts.
when i got home, i talked to mike for a while. that crazy kid. he was in a good mood. so that was happy. a little loopy too...
i've been hanging out with mike a lot lately too. as always. it's good though. i love that kid. late night phone calls and visits. munchkin voices and the real world. soda and poptarts. snuggling. a little bit of nothing. a little bit of everything. *someone to say you're the reason they breathe.* haha, the family guy. tickling. can i see that smile again? secrets and truth. someone to tell me everything. but listen to me too. donnie darko. crutches and hugs. freezie pops. guitar lessons. late night boat rides. little giggle fits. 'come here.' 'no, you come here.' memories and and new dissapointments. thank you for being here. "haa..you're really weird.." WAY TO GO MIKE! haha. jump in and i'll throw you your floatie. hot girls at the harbor. your hammock. bunny hop onto your picnic table. falling asleep on your couch. [i'll be your someone.] you have really pretty eyes.
'SHUT UP!'
never a dull moment..
the funny thing about kissing is that in some ways there's not much to it. a mouth on your mouth. in some ways, big deal.
all it is, is a little pressure.
but just like that, everything changes.
all you hear is breathing. and a little bit of heart, from far away. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|05:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hopeful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Motion City Soundtrack- The Future Freaks Me Out | ] |
hmm. sitting here with the back of my hair spiked out as much as i can get it with that damn hair putty stuff. it's sticky. but fun. it looks very cool.
eating my rock candy and jamming out to motion city soundtrack.
you are all going to hate me after i tell you this.
guess who might be going to warped tour again..
ME! ^.^
this saturday. it's in Tinley Park (in illinois) which is about 30 minutes away from my uncle's apartment. works out perfect! mike can't go with me cuz he works all weekend, so i was very dissapointed. i still am.
but i'm very excited that i still might get to go. my parents and my uncle are still talking about it. so time will tell.
until then. i love you.
hey. anyone wanna come? |
|
|
| *I'm another day late and one year older...* |
[Jul. 21st, 2005|02:18 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Death By Stereo-Beyond The Blinders | ] |
yesterday was my birthday. i'm already seventeen fucking years old! can you believe how fast time flies? it's crazy.
i had the best time. it was incredible.
so let's see. i wake up. get ready and head over to Mike's house. now, you see, he told me that he had to work in the morning and that he was going to have someone at his house waiting for me who was going to keep me occupied until he got home from work around 2:00. so you know me, i'm kinda freaking out a little, thinking..'well, who the hell is this..ahhh'. i get there, go to the door, and there's a note that says "sorry i can't even be here for you on your birthday but i'm sure my surprise guest will make you happy. just go around back, he'll be waiting outside for you." so i'm going down the steps..freaking out..in my cute little outfit, with my cute new hair (yes! i got it cut, dyed it red, and got the tips black...it's sexy as hell) and i'm looking and guess what i see! mike's crutches..and i start smiling..and i keep going down the steps..and yep, sure enough, i see mike..standing there, holding a rose, wearing his girl pants. now how beautiful is that? cant you just picture that? it's perfect. (and the night before, he gave me daisies..i went to the bathroom, and when i come back, he's laying under the blanket..and i go "what are you doing?.." and he takes the blanket off and he's holding daisies..and i'm like.."aww..") so yes, back to where i see Mike standing outside, with my rose. i run down the steps and give him a huge hug, and thank him over and over again. and then we go inside and he gives me my presents. he got me a phone. such a smart guy! my parents are putting it in my room and i might get my own phone line. (thank you, thank you, thank you!) now my phone won't die every ten minutes. and he burned me Underoath and Rise Against..(thank you, thank you, thank you!) and he got me JamisonParker's new cd..he went through all the trouble to order it for me and everything....(thank you, thank you, thank you!) and he got me Alkaline Trio's newest cd..(thank you, thank you, thank you!) and i dont know if he'll hate me for writing this in here, but i'm going to risk it and do it anyway..lemme just say..:'50 reasons to love you..' you're just a big old softie on the inside. that was the sweetest thing ever. i'll never forget it. i'm still smiling about it. (thank youuuuuu!!!!!!!)
then we sat around and stuff. and he cooked mexican rice for me! he cooked! ahh. and it really yummy too. and then we went to the Red Mill and got rock candy, and then we rented Team America..(ahhaha, PUPPET SEX!! that was the fucking greatest). and then my mom took us to Appleton so we could eat at Olive Garden (which is my favorite restaurant). we laughed about the poor waiter who was having a bad day. and we talked. and ate yummy italian food. and my mom made them come sing to me. lol. that was interesting. and the girl on the leash! some guy had his daughter on a leash. that was insane. and then we came back here for a little while. blew out my candles on my orgasmic coconut cake. read my mom and dad's card that they got me. it was really sweet. hung out with mike for a little bit longer and then we took him home.
i came home and fell asleep while watching the best show in the world..[Boy Meets World]
so all in all. it was an awesome day.
a kick ass day.
a perfect day.
hey, you only turn seventeen once. [haha, right?]
ashely also got me a present. that was very nice of her. and it was pretty cool too.
i'm quite dissapointed. i didn't even get a call from erica and kim. i guess that tells me something.
and matt drove past my house and didn't even stop to say happy birthday.
but i did get a call from some people, and i did have an amazing day. so i have things to be grateful for.
thanks everybody that was here for me. i love you.
and thank you Mike. you succeeded. don't even think twice about that. I had a perfect day. and I was happy the whole time. ahh! the best surprise ever. *hugs*
now, today. i hung out with Boo and Tim for a while. we just hung out, and laughed, and they are jealous of my hair. haha. and they picked on me. but it was fun. and we changed the words to Yellowcard. you had some good ones Tim! and we made fun of The Transplants some more. it's just too easy. watched the rock countdown. and the F/list 'summer anthems'. that was fun. rocked out. and then they drove me home. Boo and I switched cds so i could copy his Bleed The Dream and he could copy my AFI. it rocks having friends that love the same music as you huh? haha. i had a lot of fun. just a couple of hours, but it was good. diamonds and guns. gangsters and thugs. skater anthem countdown? lmao, what the fuck is that guys?
then i went out to the lakes to see everybody (my dad's friends are up from Minnesota) and then I went out to Mike's and we just hung out for a while. it was fun stuff. very fun actually..
then i had to wait outside for my parents with the mosquitos biting me cuz they were late. grrr. lol. then i had to go back their cottage..(the minnesota-ns) ahaha. i'm so weird. and we sat there and talked. and then my dad had a famous schizo attack. and we came home. and i watched Boy Meets World. and it's good that you think my obsessions are cute cuz here i go again.
it was the one where Cory tries to get Topanga's parents back together. and i was really happy, cuz i saw my favorite part that i thought i missed last night when i fell asleep. but i was wrong. it was on this episode. *big smile*
Cory: Shawn and I are trying to get back together with "Topangela".
Topanga's dad: Topangela???
Cory: I'm just trying to save time!
yesssss! i laughed forever.
and then there was the end..u_u. sad. See, Topanga doesn't believe in love anymore now that her parents got a divorce. so she called off her and Cory's wedding and broke things off with him. and Cory was trying to make her see that she was wrong.. but that changed..
Cory: But you were right..
Topanga: About what?
Cory: I was wrong about everything I believed. Sometimes...love just...dies.
(topanga walks away, to her desk..and cory and shawn go to theirs..cory, next to topanga. shawn behind cory, right next to angela.)
Shawn: Now what?
Cory: Now, it's over.
Shawn: Don't say that! You never say that!
Cory: that's cuz I never believed it. until now.
AHHHHH! it's so sad. but i know it gets better. god, i want all the seasons on dvd. no, not all. maybe from season 2 or 3 up to the last one. i love that show to pieces.
i'm kinda cute. i suppose. i just love the little things.
i'm getting kinda tired. and i guess i don't have much else to say. i had an awesome birthday. and a good day today. and a good day the day before my birthday. so things are good.
i'm gonna go listen to my new cds and dream about things. |
|
|
| just let yourself go. |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|03:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tsunami Bomb- Say It If You Mean It | ] |
"anything you believe in can sound stupid unless the other person gets it"
well..i haven't found that other person. i dont know why.
i'm sorry that i want to be young, crazy and in love forever. i don't want to waste away.
"Ashes, Ashes"
By: Hidden In Plain View
I hope this terrifies you
A moral suicide which burns inside you
Never, will never let you out
Until you realize, knee deep
Or buried alive in lies
Go, go, go believe
Is everything you need
Take everything for granted
Distorting every memory
You take them as your own
You like it when you know
Just what I’m thinking
I hope this terrifies you
A moral suicide which burns inside you
Never, will never let you out
Until you realize, knee deep
Or buried alive in lies
This time I won’t let you in
Just scream like a child
Act like children
Who run from their problems
Blurring the visions we set, in our sights
(So what would you like)
Strain our eyes...
Kids are screaming at the tops of their lungs
While they're pointing their fingers like they're loaded guns
Behind curtains and backdrops
The fire sparks
If the bridges burn, we all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down
We all fall down
So I hope this terrifies you
I know it terrifies you
I’ll be ok, just go, just go
(Let the bridges burn)
As we all fall down
I’ll be ok
Let the bridges burn
We all fall down
I’ll be ok
Let the bridges burn
We all fall down
*******************************
does anyone else get it? |
|
|
| *feel yourself lose it a little..* |
[Jul. 18th, 2005|12:22 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sick | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Justin Sane- We Found A Place | ] |
shit is crazy. i'm going to throw up. i feel like shit. all over. i went to a party last night with kate and ashley. hung out with mike today. dyed my hair red. i have to work in the morning. and i can't sleep.
Based on this theory, it stands to reason that it's quite possible that I did fall off a cliff and perhaps i'm actually dead and i've gone to hell. this could be hell, although it strongly resembles my house. only hell would be hotter, i suppose. although, why would hell be hot? as real punishment, hell would be cold, and damp.. you'd be wet and shivering on a hard computer chair. and everyone would be intolerably itchy from mosquito bites and get dizzy and fall on the floor, and crawl to the bathroom. and everyone would be tired from not sleeping. pissed that things don't work out how you want them to. pissed that people change. come to think of it, hell would be something like the entire weekend.
oh my god. am i dead?
all it is, is a little pressure. and just like that, everything changes. you think about all the channels, all the wiring. the signal from your brain running through your nervous system to the tips of your fingers, from the mouse, from the keyboard..all to the cable, then...out there, miles and miles of electricity, snapping and crackling down the line, and then it all comes screaming right back at YOU. or dialing the numbers..wondering what's next..a voice thousands of miles away. all screaming back at you.
and there it is. which might explain why i've been sitting here for three minutes, unable to do something as simple as bend my fingers and keep typing.
the room feels horribly empty. i need to sit on my bed and put my headphones on. i can imagine a lot of different scenes when i listen to music. it's the best how music can make the fucking world go away. it let's another world take shape. the world i want to be in.
anything you believe can sound stupid unless the other person gets it. |
|
|
| *drowning in beauty* |
[Jul. 15th, 2005|01:40 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
i was just watching Boy Meets World. i'm about to cry. no joke.
do you remember that episode, back when they were little, and Topanga went over to Cory's to work on some school project thing, and she was trying to help him understand this poem for english, and she was all crazy and Cory was all weirded out..and she did this dance thing around his kitchen and put lipstick on her face in a heart shape and shawn walks in and says.."Use a mirror babe.." and then on this new episode, years later, seasons later, the one where everyone is at the hospital waiting for Cory's new little brother that was just born to get better. i think it was the last season or second to last. and Cory wants Topanga to be back to her old self where she can just hold Cory's hand and take him away from reality..but she's starting to face reality herself..and she's the one who is now bringing him back to reality instead of taking him away from it. and then at the end, shawn comes back from his little "journey" to see Cory. they find out Josh (the little brother) is gonna be okay and it's just shawn, topanga, and cory in the lobby. and Topanga says..."Cory, do you miss the old, strange Topanga?" and she starts to do this weird little dance..and he says.."yes..but the new, strange Topanga is good too.." and you see her take lipstick out of her pocket and she draws a heart around her face..and shawn looks at her and says.."Use a mirror babe."
and its just so perfect because then she draws a heart on Cory's face and their all good again, and shawn is back with his "real family" wishing he never left them.
AHHHHHH. i live in a fantasy world. but it's all wonderful, and beautiful.
i want to fall in love.
use a mirror babe. |
|
|
| *my beautiful moment* |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|11:54 pm] |
here's the song. just for good measure.
"Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don't"
By: Brand New
i am heaven sent,
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted,
what all the other boys all promised.
sorry i told. i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems,
shelter from cold. we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me whats it like to have
myself so figured out.
i wish i knew..
i hope this song starts a craze.
the kind of song that ignites the airwaves.
the kind of song that makes people glad
to be where they are,
with whoever they're there with.
this is war.
every line is about,
who i don't wanna write about anymore.
hope you come down with something
they can't diagnose, don't have the cure for.
holding on to your grudge.
oh its so hard to have someone to love.
and keeping quiet is hard.
cuz you cant keep a secret
if it never was a secret to start.
at least pretend you didn't wanna get caught..
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.
Oh, we're so c-c-c-c-c-controversial.
we are entirely smooth.
we admit to the truth,
we are the best at what we do.
and these are the words you wish you wrote down.
this is the way you wish your voice sounds,
handsome and smart.
oh my tongue's the only muscle on my body
that works harder than my heart.
and its all from watching tv,
and from speeding up my breathing.
wouldnt stop if i could.
oh it hurts to be this good.
you're holding on to your grudge.
oh it hurts to always have to be honest
with the one that you love.
oh, so let it go..
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us.
this is the grace that only we can bestow.
this is the price you pay for loss of control.
this is the break in the bend,
this is the closest of calls.
this is the reason your alone,
this is the rise and the fall.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe.
we're concentrating on falling apart.
we were contenders, we're throwing the fight
but i just wanna believe, i just wanna believe,
i just wanna believe, in us. |
|
|
| *I'm a firestarter! I'm a firestarter!* -condoms are for sailors- |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|11:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Academy Is...-Slow Down | ] |
ahh. well today was fun stuff.
boo and tim came to pick me up. the day was just great. wind blowing my hair on the way there, rocking out to music. we got there and we all sat around and just talked about stuff. it was really nice. laughed a lot. and we watched Steven Lynch..*LMAO* fucking hilarious. "hermaphrodite..and it's too bad her package is bigger than mine!" ahaha. it was the greatest.
then we went swimming in tim's pool. made fun of each others swimming suits. splashed around..they did their little crazy flips. and then all the hornets starting coming over by the pool, and going in the hole in the ladder and the guys were just flipping out. all whacking them with the noodles, trying to kill all of them..saying, "Did you get 'em? omg, watch out!" it was nuts. and i told my noodle story. lol. attack of the bees. it was crazy. boo got stung. i felt bad. then they made waves. and then we sat around in the pool, just talking some more. laughing or asses off. getting some really good insight on things. it made me feel really good. i felt like a little sister..but kinda like one of the guys.
then we jumped on the trampoline to dry off and walked to the gas station. got sodas. haha. ate pizza. and then we watched Release The Bats. AHAH. fucking hilarious. i love it. and there were tons of good bands on there too. "Emo is over! You can leave now!"
then sarah called tim and they talked for a while..(awww how cute). and me and boo just hung out and watched some good old Fuse. god i miss that channel. we watched 7th avenue drop with All-American Rejecets. very nice. then 100% Green Day with Tre saying all this random shit. it was so funny. then we watched Stevens Untilted Rock Show and made fun of The Transplants and some band called Prodigy where this guy had a really bad reverse mohawk and he was wearing some american flag shirt and kept saying, "im a firestarter.." over and over again. the little things. but it was awesome. i laughed my little ass off. okay..big ass. but still.
then we jumped on the trampoline at around 10ish, right before i had to go. and we all were jumping at the same time so we could fall on our asses and see who jumped the highest, and the last time we did it, i was the only one who sat/fell down, and i went like 50 feet in the air..it was like WHOA! okay, not that much. but i flew! and it was crazy. i almost died. not really. but i fell on the springs, and it hurt but i was laughing really hard the whole time. i almost fell off but it was worth it.
(here's another one of my cheesy beautiful moments. watch out.)
on the way back..windows down..wind blowing my hair all over. music up loud, screaming the words i know so well. we were listening to brand new. and boys night out. and it was great..and then this one part of the song came on.."the kinda song that makes people glad to be where they are with whoever they're there with.." and im sitting there thinking about a million things, and thinking about how awesome that line of the song is, and how it is true, that it makes me glad to be where i am, who im with, thinking about what im thinking..and i didnt think anyone felt the same way i did. im just a sappy little crazy freak. and then tim nudges me, and i look at him and i smile and nudge him back. and i know he's thinking just how i'm thinking. and then we just start rocking out. and thats just so damn AWESOME! that there are people out there who understand me like that. they feel the same way. im not just a sappy freak. c'mon, if that's not beauty..what is? you guys are the best. thanks for being here for me. you ROOOOCCCK!
then i got home and talked to mike. that was fun, until he started passing out on me. haha, jk. tomorrow i'm going to his house to hang out..and take care of him. cuz he's on crutches. aww. and that will be beautiful too. and fun. and maybe i can make fun of him a little also. not too bad though. sweet dreams. and mike, you too. you're the best. thanks for being here. i owe you.
oh. and to assholes that don't stick up for me when his friends trash me..and i'm sitting right there on the phone... *cough, greg, cough* that's real classy of you. they've taught you well huh? thanks for being such a doll and everything. you know that's funny. do you know who else sat on the phone with me and didn't stick up for me when his friends were saying shit about me? matt. ahah. ironic? a little. you guys would get a long well.
but yes. my day was wonderful. and tomorrow is gonna be great too.
until then..
yours truly..
wide eyed
and singing love songs. |
|
|
| *this is for you* -*this is for me*- |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|03:50 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Foo Fighters-Best Of You | ] |
"Sound Effects And Overdramatics"
by: The Used
When the shirt came off, it was all in time
When a m-m-m-minute turned into a mile
And then I broke that grin, and I cut it out
And you got all turned on by the taste of your sin
When I mention blue, all you thought was color
When you mention drugs, all I thought was sober
When your pants came off and I turned you over
When you mention blue
Kill! Smile! Cut it out for me this time!
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while
Keep the mask aligned
Get it up in time
There's a space between valleys
and try and catch a vibe
Make a circle square, a rectangle curve
Use a smile as a noun and I think like a verb
Run quick switch sides
Spill the filled up canister
And the room is shaking
Now you're changing places,
and I switched my pace,
and my breathing races when you mention blue
Kill! Smile! Cut it out for me this time!
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while
Kill! Smile! Cut it out for me this time! (This is not [x6])
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while
Kill, smile, cut out for me cut it cut it out
Smile, cut cut it out for me cut it cut it out
We cut it out!
Kill! Smile! Cut it out for me this time!
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while
Kill! Smile! Cut it out for me this time! (This is not [x6])
Smile, haven't seen him smile in a while
Get down and stay awake
Smile |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 14th, 2005|02:46 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  hot | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The All-American Rejects- Dirty Little Secret | ] |
tonight i'll scream into my pillow as loud as i possibly can.
and then i'll laugh. i will just crack my ass up. i will roll over..roll around..fall off my damn bed if i have to, but i'll be laughing hysterically the whole time.
i watched Boy Meets World tonight. it's turned into one of those shows that are on really late..like 1 in the morning. but it's still on..*big smile* and i saw it. Cory just cracks me up everytime. shawn and cory..the cutest. it's the one where they go on a road trip but shawn tells cory he's not coming back.. cory says.."oh, it's so hard to let them go.." ahahahhaa. i was laughing forever.
it was great. it was wonderful. the little things.
tinley is growling. there's a ghost. i was watching Most Haunted too. so i guess i'm a little creeped out. 'cuz there was a dog on there all freaking out.
mike and i hung out today and then he went to cross country practice. aww, how cute. then we hung out tonight again. went on a boat ride. it was fun. and the lightning started. pretty. lmao, and we heard bagpipes! god, there are some fucked up people out there. then we went back to Mike's and watched Hide And Seek. very good movie. and i got the urge to write. it was fantastic. so i wrote. and it was good.
*someone to cry about..* i won't forget that.
now i'm here. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 13th, 2005|01:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blank | ] |
when it gets to this point..
well it just plain sucks.
can't even write right now. |
|
|
| *make me think beautiful unexpected thoughts.* |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|06:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | JamisonParker- Your Song | ] |
"Home"
by: JamisonParker
The sun is bleeding through the blinds
we murdered yet another night
I close my eyes and swallow pain
my body aches like Saturday
I'm one to watch and you're one to say
"I never really cared"
and I'm not coming home tonight
so don't wait up
cause I bet it never gets this cold in California
My eyes are sensitive to sight
and my skin burns under the light
I shut my eyes and sound the end
of what I thought was my best bet
and all that's left is left unsaid
but I never really cared
and I'm not coming home tonight
so don't wait up
cause I bet it never gets this cold in California
I'll count headlights on the way back home
each one holds a wish and a secret toll
of all the girls who twist my thoughts in ways
that make me smile and suffocate
and I'm not coming home tonight
so don't wait up
cause I bet it never gets this cold in California. |
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| intoxicating beauty tears everything down.. |
[Jul. 11th, 2005|03:23 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Bandcamp- Someone | ] |
i dunno..
is there anyone out there as crazy and cracked as me? anyone who just wants a friend, someone to talk to? anyone who wants to do something crazy to make the world better and make you feel okay? or better? or great..or, (as through a miracle) just fucking AWESOME?!
is there anyone out there that thinks things are beautiful like i do?
FOR EXAMPLE:
(but wait, im warning you now. i dont know anything about biking. and im not pretending to. so dont call me stupid. its not about the biking. its about what im trying to explain about it.)
at summerfest i was watching this biking thing through Torque center, and its a group of guys that are on this biking team thing, that are sponsered by Torque and they travel and they perform. and the mc was talking about how the guys have pushed themselves so far since they've been performing their shows and even since they've been in milwaukee performing..and during the finale when they were just finishing..this guys goes up the ramp and does a backflip, and then he stops at the bottom, and the next guy does this back flip tail spin thing (or something like that..mike told me what it was but i forgot. im not stupid, shut up..haha..)and he landed it..and it was so fucking cool..and he gets done..and he looks so god damn happy.. and you could tell it was the first time he ever did it, like nailed it you know? and he looked so fucking happy, and the guy that stopped at the bottom, he jumps off his bike and runs over to the guy that just did his trick and gives him one of those guy hugs..and like pats him on the helmet..and his helmet like falls off. and the guy was so proud of him..and the other guy just looked so happy..and AHH! it was just fucking amazing. and this other guy goes over there and high fives him and fucking hugs him..and it was just great..they were all so proud and happy. and you know those guy hugs..like..'way to go man, but im really macho, i wont show much feeling..' but it was adorable. and so damn happy. and just god damn beautiful.
AM I FUCKING NUTS? or sappy? or too god damn sentimental? i'm really not..
or the way music just makes..everything disappear?
or the way william moved onstage..and pointed to all his fans and gave them that amazing smile when he sang all the lyrics he knew hit us right where they hit him? and you just knew..that maybe..they do care? they do care about their fans and how they make them feel? he was there..he felt it. we felt it. "I've seen friendships fall to pieces.."
or the way bandcamp came onstage, fearless and fucking kicked ass? and made me smile, and laugh, and rock..and fall in love? to not waste glory. not waste time. to love it even more. "someone to say you're the reason they breathe.."
or the way i was sitting on mike's couch and i was a blink away from gushing tears...and he looks at me and says.."Alissa, you are fucking stronger than this.." (a blink away. but its amazing how far away that can be. because i am stronger..and i was strong enough.)
or the way..one small smile, one wave, one hug, one little look...from someone..anyone..can make you feel so good?
does anyone even remember little things like this? anyone? does it make anyone else just...want to live forever? does anyone else even notice..?
am i totally lost and confused and fucking..
im going to snap one day. the sweet little girl inside me is going to become a fucking serial killer. (or a lying slut..i dont know. maybe both right guys?)
THIS IS HOW THE UNIVERSE SCREWS WITH YOU! this is how the world drags you, unwillingly, kicking and SCREAMING toward your fate.
well..fuck fate.
desire. control. time.
desire aches. it burns. it drives us a little crazy.
are you in control? do you control your life? or is it all some big plan?
time. its here. it moves too god damn fast. but while it lasts..its perfect.
it all sounds so good doesn't it? but it really doesnt answer the question does it? what the fuck am i doing? WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING RIGHT?
what are you guys thinking? accusations. fuck it.
i could fucking run away right now and change everything.
ha, change. what a wonderful subject. it seems that plenty of things have changed this year. too many. and too many people. myself inculuded.
i could run away. never come back. it sounds quite appealing. but then, damn it, i'd need a plan huh? well, maybe not. maybe you wont see me tomorrow? maybe you wont see me ever? maybe you will? MAYBE ILL BE EVERYTHING I WANT TO BE. MAYBE ILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD. then what? will you tell my hometown everything i used to be? Will you keep all of your promises? *everything i love withers*
i feel sick to my soul. and mean. and unlovable.
but i also feel strong.
you know everyone. you never fucking know. you really don't. everything you've hoped for, wished for, dreamed for..held on to...don't count on it.
sometimes you think you know where you are headed. you think you know what each day will bring. you think there will be a breath to follow this breath. It has always been that way before. you think that lunch will follow breakfast and sometime later dinner will naturally appear. you think you know that the sky is blue and that grass and trees are green, that cats are furry, and that life will go on quite smoothly forever like an infinite ripple of turqoise ribbon, but sometimes, you are wrong.
sometimes you are very wrong. and sometimes, things change.
you know. it takes guts to go nuts like me.
everyone. all of you. me. we're going to grow up and live and die. and consume. so why rage? why rage at anyone? about anyone?
all i wanna know, all i really wanna know is: when the fuck is this shit going to matter? jesus christ. let go. let it go.
sometimes. i feel like a child. sitting on the ground, fingers reaching upward, grasping the sky, the counter, a friend, my life..but it's always just a little but out of reach. parents saying you're too young to know what is dangerous. i disagree.
i can see danger when i turn my head.
i see danger in lies. i see danger in spite. i see danger in not being able to trust your best friend. in revenge.
i see danger in the fifteen-year-old girls with perfect bodies who wear halters and shorts on ninety degree days. i see them getting raped in the back of a car with no air conditioning. i see danger in guys who drive a black pick up truck with 25 friends in the back, blasting their rap music. i see danger in parents who can't even sense it in their own house. with her own husband. i see danger in the teacher who ignores the vibrating tension of his own classroom.
but then again, i see danger in a full moon.
im not completely gone yet. just wait.
three minutes ago i was in kindergarten. i have sixty seconds until i graduate. when i microwave something for a minute-forty-five i realize that two minuts are slipping away. then nine minutes. then i get a degree and marry some guy and im on the beach, scooping up sand with my fingers wide open and everything is slipping through.
everything.
you can't hold on to anything longer than it's happening. nineteen minutes from now, im going to die. and in the next millisecond. nothing will matter. not a thing.
today is the last day of the world. and tomorrow i start all over.
the blue eyes are killing me.
im chewing my fingernails. should i pray to the god i don't believe in? afraid to admit what i want. that damn half smile. they step on my heart and i yell in their faces. thinking about you.
thinking too much. but i can't run away from myself, and i can't get out of my own head. and that's okay. i want to listen to music and write in my notebook forever. ill change the world with my words. does it make you uncomfortable? you laugh because we are you. teenagers. you pity us because we are you. Just admit it, the girl holding this pen is no different from you. i've got a heart beating in my chest and the only difference is that i use it.
*i wish you were here.*
you'll end up deleting the pictures but not the words. you can get rid of the images but not the feelings.
it'll last forever.
Live and let live.
there's not much more you can do.
i'm going to go blast my music as loud as i can and start on my ambitious novel. and i'm going to publish it. and i'm going to bring my cds everywhere with me.
no more wasting my life away. no more waiting for my life to happen. no more. i will make my dreams come true.
no more taking for granted..anything.
~"i never tried to make the best of my time when i thought that i had plenty of it."~
this is the truth you and i know. all of us know.
-`- THE TV, THE RADIO, THE MOVIES, CELEBRITY!-`-
all these crazy thoughts. all these ramblings. all of the preachings.. the random shout outs..that half of them..some of them, hopefully make sense. they all are dripping with feeling. and they all mean something. or they will someday. read my words..and feel how important they are. not just to me. or you. but everyone who can relate to any of them. you'll read them somewhere someday..and remember me. and i hope it makes you smile. because i'll be laughing. and you'll know that i lived. and you'll know that i made it happen.
i wish i could stay here forever. not really making sense but at the same time, making all the sense in the world. on the border of sleep and sunrise. a little dizzy.
i'll fall asleep hugging my pillow.
dreaming of tomorrow. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|02:25 pm] |
ahahaha.
im going crazy
and im feeling every single word of that song.
feeling it all
till im ripping my hair out.
another chance given.
another chance took.
broken piles of pill filled memories
stacked upon
old..
torn pictures
that you've tried to bring back to life.
but no matter how hard you tried.
you never could.
i just wrote that. the writer is coming back.
will i still be hot when im bald? |
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| *i dont know..you figure it out..* |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|02:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Academy Is... live | ] |
"In Our Defense"
By: (the one and only..) The Academy Is...
Forced to the wall,
the crosshairs shift from this tied down burden: Courage.
What did you expect?
A nightmare of reason and faith alike.
Because you take shots, my back's turned, you're gutless.
You think you're saving face
But I'll tell you what (I‘ll tell you what)
As far as you're concerned the next breath that you take should be underwater.
You're worthless. You've been told once before.
This time you're gonna get back a little more than you paid for.
Forced to the wall the record skips and this satellite sense is detecting.
You run for cover. A nightmare, a vision, a quota, a reason.
You take shots, my back's turned, you're gutless.
You think you're saving face but first things first,
this is a matter of egos and how every single shot you take
Is taken in weakness and vain.
Place your bets, it's a matter of context.
You said it, you mean it, you want it, you've got it.
I've been waiting far too long for this.
You take shots, my back's turned, you're gutless, and you've got no spine at all.
I've been waiting. Take your shot and be on your way.
Spill fiction while my back is turned, when you've got an easy target.
Build stregth, and your heart is gone.
You tell my back that you're more courageous.
We've got our souls held in this dark hotel room.
You're taking chances for the worst and the worst is yet to come.
Place your bets, it's a matter of…
You said it, you mean it, you want it, you've got it.
I've been waiting far too long for…
Show a litte backbone.
In this hole we've dug, you're never crawling out alive.
You won't make it too far, you won't get too far.
In this home we've made, you're never welcome again.
You wont make it too far.
Place your bets son, pay your ransom.
You don't know what it is to regret.
********************************************************************************
so go ahead. place your bets. im waiting to see who's right. |
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| FUCK YOUUUUUUU!!!!!! |
[Jul. 6th, 2005|04:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | enraged | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Academy Is...-Black Mamba | ] |
god damn fucking computer! AHHHHHH!
i just spent like a fucking hour writing this whole big long thing about the 4th of july at summerfest, and Bandcamp and how they rocked, and The Acadmey Is and how much I love them, and Story Of The Year and the whole damn day and how much fun i had with Mike..and our jetskiing and swimming experiences with the rednecks and bailey's phone call. and the time i spent with kim and erica before they left..and the ice cream truck..and our goodbye scene.. and then it all CLOSED OUT! WHEN I WAS ALL DONE! damn it. it was so good. and it took me forever. and im way too damn lazy to do it again right now. AGRRRR!!! what the fuck. this sucks. all my memories of bumpy bus rides and crazy people and other people's random conversations and fucking killer performances are all gone into cyber space! ahhhhhh!!!!!! I NEED TO RAGE. ill re-update late...er...ish...kinda..lol..remember that?
yours truly.
fucking angry.
wide eyed.
remembering.
wishing..
and singing. |
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| *stranded. |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|04:11 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Juliette And The Licks- Got Love To Kill | ] |
hmm. well what the hell is up!?
whoa! i wish i was in a better mood right now. but im really not. im gonna try to not let it effect my writing too much though..i just wanna write. i just need to. its all i really have at the moment. cuz its 3:12 am and everyone else is sleeping.
so..lets see. i worked yesterday. lemme say, that was quite a beautiful mess but quite interesting. and when i was done, it was just me, Paul, Jerry, A.J., and Kevin all standing around Pauls truck listening to some comedian and talking about marriage and all this shit. it was really crazy. but fun too. the topics that were coming up were kinda random. but it was great. and Paul kept trying to start Larry's motorcycle. and Jerry was ripping on me. and A.J. was talking about being forced into marriage. and it was really nuts. and they were all drunk. and i had a few..i guess..but i dont want to talk about that.
it was quite a night. and quite a conversation. but it was worthwhile.
and today, i went to Mike's. it was a fun time. we went jetskiing..(my first time, virgin i know..) but it was really fun. i want one. lol. and we went swimming. and we sat around. and we went to the harbor. and i saw Sarah..shes such a sweetie. and then we went jetskiing some more..and swimming some more. and we saw Steven and his group of drunk buddies. and we were swimming by this one lady..and her boyfriend or something..and they had a dog named sushi? i dont know..it was all really funny cuz they kept putting the dog in the water. and yelling.."come on sushi!" it was crazy..and the girl was slapping the guys ass with a noodle..and im cracking up..and then all of a sudden you hear Steven across the lake yelling.."Whack him with your noodle!!!" LMAO! it was fucking HILARIOUS! not even kidding. i laughed forever. it was great. so i kept bringing that up..and joking around about it. and about all the bugs on the jetski! OH NO! they are gonna eat it right? lol..just kidding. and we took molly for a walk also. cute dog. and watched Requiem For A Dream..but that wasnt so good. but everything else was a good time. all those freezie pops. ahh summer is grand.
so..last night i found out that i couldnt go to california anymore. something about erica's dad not wanting me to go if i had to borrow money. so i was really upset last night. and then today i tell my mom this..and she tells me that she already got the money. and i was like..oh damn it. and then i find out that kim is already planning on going..so the fact that my mom already got the money anyway doesnt matter. and this really sucks. and it really hurts. and i just really hate it..:( cuz i was looking forward to this for so long. going to california with my lovely for a whole month. learning how to surf. making fun of people. getting a tan. damn it, A GREAT CALIFORNIAN TAN! IM GONNA MISS YOU GUYS SO MUCH! and im gonna be really bitter and upset about it the whole time you guys are gone..but hopefully ill turn out okay..lol. and im gonna cry right now..god damn it. bring me back a seashell okay? all i want is a seashell and some pretty pictures..:(
*sigh* im crushed.
well here are some quotes that make tomorrow alright..and fill me with absolute joy and wonderment..and damn it, skip all the brilliant cheesiness, i just cant get them outta my head. but read on..they are fucking great. and somewhat entertaining i spose..
***********************
*screams in the background from tyler being eaten by the werewolf*
-Ginger: Don't you just love the sound of nature?
-Brigette: This ends now!
-Ginger: You can't fight what's in us B..
-Brigette: I'm not like you Ginger. (pause) I'm stronger.
-Ginger: *laugh* Oh, really? Well that's not how I remember you the first fifteen years of your life.
-Brigette: Well that's how I remember the last fifteen minutes of yours!
*Ginger and Brigette in the garage, right before the climax of Ginger Snaps Unleashed.* good shit. but i guess you'd have to see the first one to understand.
***********************
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*--*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
Adam Lazarra says: Brand New and Rufio both, they are like a support system for us on tour. Little do you guys know it..there's only one, or two, three reasons why i don't fucking..finish it..*points an imaginary gun to his head* and they are two of the three. ..*starts singing The Ballad Of Sal Villanueva..(and kicks ass at it too I must say..running around..trying to mosh with his band members..screaming his head off..)* *then pauses after a while and says..* Ladies, I want you to think twice about this. Little do you know it, your fucking bestfriend and your boyfriend is the best thing that ever fucking happened to you. Fuck that up, i dare you. I'll write a song about it. *starts singing again. and then he yells, "IM YOUR FUCKING DREAM!" to someone in the crowd.*...*finishes off the song and starts talking to people in the crowd..* and finishes off with saying.."Like I said when we first started the set, FRIENDS are the only thing that will you keep you breathing, it's the only thing you can ever rely on, it's the only thing that ever fucking matters!"
Adam Lazarra from Taking Back Sunday performing The Ballad Of Sal Villanueva in Boulder, Colorado in 2002. (and they're still going strong..fuck yes..)
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
thats all.
yours truly.
its 4 am. (ITS FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING! -The Used) |
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| schizophrenia* |
[Jun. 25th, 2005|07:59 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nerdy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | hidden in plain view interview | ] |
whoa. im nuts.
im wearing kim's ripped jeans. and my black mudvayne shirt under one of my dads old bowling shirts. and im wearing my glasses. and my old key necklace that i made. and my hair is all wet and messy. and i actually still look kinda hot. amazing isnt it? and one second im sitting here listening to a sad song all mopey..and the next second..im jumping around jamming out when a really great song comes on..and then im dancing..and it looks like its going to rain! and i get the house to myself from like 8:15 to 11:00. ^.^ i was in a really bad mood earlier...and i still kinda am. but i was really sick this morning. thats better now. im just kinda upset off and on.
i got up at 3:30 this morning to go to work. threw up twice. got to work and begged kevin to work for me. he caved. and i almost threw up again. came home. slept forever. talked to erica about how i might not be able to go to california anymore. im really sad. and its really messed up but im not going to write any more about that right now 'cause its really weird. we're still figuring a lot of things out. so when its clearer..ill update on that subject. lemme just say..i need $1,000.
i feel not so sick though. im well enough to jump around. so thats good.
so now..im here..all crazy. thinking of super secrets. and wondering about nothing. i sit here and take it all in. all of my good memories. and i keep them here..to remember when i need them most.
-=-Somewhere just beyond my reach, there's someone reaching back for me..-=- |
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| *proven fact. |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|02:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Oasis- Morning Glory | ] |
(thanks for the song Mike)^.^
so i just turned on mtv for a second. and guess who i saw? My Chemical Romance. Ahhh, how beautiful.
what did i say? letting the popularity go to their heads. go ahead guys. keep treating the fans the way you have been and see if you have any left. where would you be without us? fucking nowhere...drunk and stoned in the gutter, like you used to be, with no recognition. i dont care so much that you guys are on mtv..fine whatever. but the fact that it's getting the best of you. the fact that its going to your little, money hungry heads.
ahh as tim once said.."Some things are for the best.."
maybe so. |
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| *Choke On This* just for you.. |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|02:52 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
-=-I'm here back in your bed babe
Remember what you said to me
"You can be my james dean, I'll be your sweet queen"
I said that you were my first, but you weren't even close now
Like a frame in a movie, you're just one of many
Can you grant me one last wish
Play russian roulette as we kiss
I'll be your cheap novelty
Blow your brains out on me.-=- |
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| you rock my world. but *you kill me well... |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|02:51 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grumpy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Senses Fail- Choke On This | ] |
..you like it too.. and i can tell.
you never stop until..
my final breath is gone.-=-
Long time no see!
So, saturday night kim and i went down to strawberry fest to see some of the bands. and yes, we indeed saw Five Bullet Roulette..and holy shit did they rock?! They were awesome. I am very proud. Except i just heard they are going to be breaking up because jamie is going to college. this upsets me..but i guess shit happens. they are great though. i need to go get their cd downtown soon. then kim, kristie, kelsey, and i left for their grandmas house and stayed over night there. we watched The Little Black Book...i teared up a bit i must say.. that is a good movie.
sunday morning. hectic. four girls all trying to get ready in one mirror. but we did it. and then set off on our journey to warped tour 2005.
and what can i say?
FUCK YES! THEY KILLED IT! AHHHHH! it was the fucking best! so let's start from the beginning and see if i can trace my way back through the day..
we found our way there pretty well but then went off on the highway instead of going down this one road...had to get off and get back on.. a little scare but we made it there and it only took about 5 minutes to take care of that mess. we met bri and julia at the front and we went to the main stages so we could find the big crazy blow up schedule. and to our excitement. (*SCREAMS!*) we see that Senses Fail is playing at 1:30 and it was like 1:20 or something. so we're getting all happy..and we go over to the stage and start making our way in the crowd..ahhh and then ya hear 'em. good old Senses Fail. one of the best performers there. GOD, they kicked ass. they played a lot of their old stuff, which was good. They started off with "Steven" which i thought was pretty cool considering its their first song on their first cd. I believe they played Free Fall Without A Parachute. And they played One Eight Seven (one of my favorites) and some other old ones. and then Buried A Lie, Rum Is For Drinking, Not For Burning..and Lady In A Blue Dress. it was a good band to see to get the day started. i was sad when they were done. the moshpit was crazy and it was reallllly hot. but it was all worth it. it kicked ass. we lost bri and julia..so kim and i just walked around to some of the tents and went to merch. and looked around. thats when i got my mcr tanktop..which i kind of regret right now. but its cute.. We saw Kenny from The Starting Line and got our picture with him and autographs. then we saw Travis from Atreyu and got our picture with him. I kinda forget what happened next.. i think we went to see someone but im not remembering who. we saw some of Fallout Boy..they were putting on a really great show. and I got to see some of Tsunami Bomb..it was great..i was walking over to the stage to see them RIGHT when they started playing my favorite song by them..I FREAKED! i was screaming..and running and jumping. it was great. they are awesome live too. that girl is quite a rocker. then we walked around trying to find the Winterfresh tent because thats where Senses Fail was signing. we asked this one guy if he knew where it was and he just goes..."What? The one where they give out condoms?" and we're just like.."no...the winterfresh tent.." and he goes..."oh..well..Why would i know?!" it was funny. then we found it. and kristie and kelsey went over there to wait with us. it was taking forever and the All American Rejects started playing so kim and i ran over there and caught some of their show. they did pretty good. they were better live than when i first saw them. so thats good. they played lots of old stuff. it made me happy. then we ran back over and stood in line again. got our autographs. and got our picture with them. then we had to find the alt. press tent because thats where My Chemical Romance was signing. huge line. HUUGE! but we stood. and waited. then kim and i ran back to the main stages (while kristie and kelsey stood in line...sorry guys) to check up on who is playing where, at what times again so we could form some kind of mental schedule so we wouldnt miss anyone. i was kinda pissed off because mxpx was playing at 4ish and thats when MCR started signing. but i thought it would be worth it. we got a call from bri on our way back to the line saying she saw the guy that kim met on face party or whatever? i dunno..i was confused..but we went and met him and his friend mark and we all got a picture together. then we all went to wait in line some more. and i met that john kid from winneconne that i always talk to about music on kims name so that was cool. then we waited in line some more. and right behind us on the Volcom stage, Bleed The Dream started playing. so i ran over there and got a few pictures and moshed for a little while and them came back to the line and listened to them. they did really great also. so get this. as we are waiting in line...these other fucking idiots start making this line from the other side...so now theres like two lines..and a big mob and everyone that was waiting in line for like 10 minutes got in before us..and were waiting for like an hour and a half. so i was getting royally pissed off. and then..just like that..my chemical romance is gone. they just left. didnt say ANYTHING to their fans. just poof! they're gone! buhbye! thanks..see ya later! FUCKING DICKHEADS! i must say, i was extremely dissapointed. not even a word to us. NOT ONE WORD! and those damn bastards who were cutting in got to meet them and i didnt. but i cared more that they let me down. assholes. and I missed mxpx! So im outraged by this time. and im bitching. but then kims in a hurry cuz she wants to see The Transplants so we go do that. They were..okay. a lot of rap. i didnt really like it. i think next is when we saw Atreyu. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY FUCKING ROCKED! i was so proud. a couple old songs.. a lot of new stuff but its okay. they still fuuuckking rocked! and they played their cover of You Give Love A Bad Name and told all the guys to take off the shirts and swing them around since it was so hot out. funny stuff. the mosh pit was fucking nuts in there. i think thats where i got so many bruises. kim and i went in the circle pushy thinger..where everyone runs at everyone and pushes them and stuff..ITS CRAZY!! it was fun. and they finished up with Lip Gloss And Black..and it was awesome. one of my favorites. then we went into merch. and i got an Underoath sweatshirt (very cool) and Atreyu underwear ^.^ they are hot as hell. then i saw Tyson (all american rejects) behind this little mob of girls and i was like..."kim...KIM! it's tyson!!!" and shes like.."WHAT!?where?!" and then we were really excited. we were like, "screw you Gerard (mcr), we're gonna kiss Tyson instead!" lol. we asked if we could kiss him on the cheek for our picture, and he said, "aww, go ahead!" it was really cute. we each kissed him on the cheek, the picture turned out really good. and we got a normal pic too. and he signed my belt. he has a really cool tattoo. theres an outlet on his shoulder, and theres a cord plugged into it..and the cord goes to his chest and it goes to this thing that says "AAR" in cool letters... its cool shit. so then we went over to Hurley and Volcom to see The Unseen. They were okay. I dunno. not the greatest. and then when they were done on Volcom. Hidden In Plain View played on Hurley. *Screams!!* they were fucking amazing. amazing i tell you. went in the pushy thinger again. screamed my head off. and then we went back to see the Offspring which started right when HIPV ended so we had to book ass. They did really good. The played a lot of old shit. The crowd was insane. and then The Starting Line started right next to them..so we ran over there..and i went crowd surfing for my first time and i got dropped on my head! WOO!!! it hurt like a bitch. i was kinda dissapointed in them..they played a lot of new stuff. But they played The Best Of Me and everyone went nuts. we called erica during that. and then kim and i went in the circle pushy thinger again.. and then us and all these other girls just went in there together and started dancing. it was great. and then it was just us girls pushing each other, and moshing, and running into each other. it was fun. until some guys came and tried dancing with us. after The Starting Line said "well, this is the last old song we are going to play" we decided to leave and go to Hurley early..cuz thats where Underoath was playing. WOOOO! they definetly killed it. they were one of the best. it was really nuts in there...but i loved it. thats my home. we called Mike so he could hear some of it but he was out on his boat..lol..but its okay. we had to leave a little early to get back to the main stages for My Chemical Romance. so i said my goodbyes to Underoath by screaming how much they fucking rocked my bed. lol..jk. but i did scream. a lot. so we got to my chemical romance.. and well..
it was a little dissaponting. their show was okay. not the greatest. but okay. the songs they played were good.. Helena, Give 'Em Hell Kid, Thank You For The Venom, To The End...and so on. but they didnt give it their all. the one funny part about it though was when Gerard goes.."Okay, so how many ladies do we have out here tonight?!" *Screams* gerard: "Alright, now all you girls are gonna be coming out to these rock shows for the rest of your lives! And do you know what guys are going to ask you? To show them your boobs! So, let me tell you this, if any guy, from a band or not, asks you to flash your boobs..you know what you are going to do?! YOU ARE GOING TO SPIT IN THEIR FACE AND TELL THEM TO FUCK OFF!!" lol..good stuff. and i went crowd surfing a few more times. and i was surrounded by big tall fat guys. it was crazy. but fun. but get this. when they were done playing. they just walked off! Just walked off! before their last song they didnt say anything like, "THANKS GUYS, WE LOVE YOU!" or anything. no finale. no nothing. and after their last song, you think then theyd at least say SOMETHING, anything! but no! just walked off! grrr. so everyone started cheering.."ONE MORE SONG, ONE MORE SONG!" for like 5-10 minutes. nope. nothing. not a second glance. not a sorry. not a farewell. not another guitar riff. nothing. BULL SHIT! people were pissed. and so was i. those assholes are letting their fucking popularity go to their heads like the sellouts that they are, and damn it! GERARD CUT HIS HAIR! grr. we are all just on a trial seperation right now. lol. but anyway..after that was over, we were getting kicked out by the guards and everything..getting pushed to the entry gates. saying goodbye to everyone.
slept on the way home. and the last few days and nights have kind of been a blurr. and im kinda sad right now but i dont wanna really get into why..
so im gonna write again when im in a happier mood.
so long and goodnight. |
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| Vampires Will Never Hurt You.. |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|02:49 pm] |
And if they get me and the sun goes down into the ground
And if they get me take this spike to my heart and
And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and
You put the spike in my heart
And if the sun comes up will it tear the skin right off our bones
And then as razor sharp white teeth rip out our necks I saw you there
Someone get me to the doctor, someone get me to a church
Where they can pump this venom gaping hole
And you must keep your soul like a secret in your throat
And if they come and get me
You put the spike in my heart
And if they get me and the sun goes down
And if they get me take this spike and
Can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless
Night time sky
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling?
And now the nightclub set the stage for this they come in pairs she said
We'll shoot back holy water like cheap whiskey they're always there
Someone get me to the doctor, and someone call the nurse
And someone buy me roses, and someone burned the church
We're hanging out with corpses, we're driving in this hearse
Someone save my soul tonight, please save my soul
Can you take this spike?
Will it fill our hearts with thoughts of endless
Night time sky
Can you take this spike?
Will it wash away this jet black feeling?
And as these days watch over time, and as these days watch over time
And as these days watch over us tonight
I'll never let them, I'll never let them
I'll never let them hurt you not tonight
I'll never let them, I can't forget them
I'll never let them hurt you, I promise
Struck down, before our prime
Before, you got off the floor
Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart?
Can you stake my heart? Can you stake my heart?
(Do these thoughts of endless nights
bring us back into the light
and they catapult my heart?)
Can you stake me before the sun goes down?
(And as always, innocent like roller coasters.
Fatality is like ghosts in snow and you have no idea what you're up against
because I've seen what they look like.
Becoming perfect as if they were sterling silver chainsaws going cascading...) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|02:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | happy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | My Chemical Romance- Vampires Will Never Hurt You | ] |
HEY EVERYBODY! Mikey just called me from Wisconsin Rapids. He wanted to know how everybody was doing. and he wants me to tell all of ya that he misses you, and that he says hi! And he might be coming up for the dances at the casino!
SMILE!
*Oh baby let me in...*
_-you can cry all you want to, i don't care how much..-_
just listening to some mcr! ^.^ |
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| *and they shot me full of ephedrine..* |
[Jun. 18th, 2005|02:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The White Stripes- Dead Leaves And The Dirty Ground | ] |
I WANT IT THIS WAY, IT'S MY WORLD.
well hello everyone.
i went to mike's house yesterday. it was fun stuff. talked with him and mark for a while. and we watched ginger snaps 3. ^.^ just hung out and had a good time. except that his head was all dizzy and crazy. everything else went well. made fun of "date my mom". haha. cutest child stars. it was a lazy, fun day. my guitar loves me. but it loves him more. lol. im so strange.
i had to work this morning. it was okay. wasnt great, but wasnt horrible. when i first got there, kevin was there and we discussed some issues. then i just started having this giggle fit...no it wasnt just a giggle fit..it was a fuckin crazy laughing fit. kevin came in to where i was setting up and asked me if i was okay. OF COURSE I WAS! lol. and then when we went to load cows.. there was just this one cows..just laying there..on an alley thing. and i thought it was the funniest thing in the world. i dunno why. i just started cracking up. it was just lying there, chewing its food, all alone, staring at me. it was hilarious for some reason. so i had a laughing fit. but kevin wasnt in a good mood so unfortunately he didn't laugh and have fun with me. i had fun by myself. i felt like i was high. then around 6ish..i started feeling really dizzy and sick..and my throat hurt. i felt really icky..i couldnt even work. it was gross. but it went away by like quarter to 7. and then paul and i just started having this "name that artist" contest. it was fun. it was close but then he just started kicking my ass. i knew most of the bands or singers, not all, but most. and he was just fast. we were yelling out stuff.."THE DOORS!".."AC/DC!".."LYNYRD SKYNYRD!".."LED ZEPPELIN!".."DEF LEPPARD!".."PINK FLOYD!".."OZZY!".."PEARL JAM!".."PUDDLE OF MUDD!".."GUNS AND ROSES!".
so yeah. that was fun. it made me smile. i knew all of those. won some. lost some. tied some. and then larry walks in..and he just looks at us like we're nuts. then paul started talking to me about all the earthquakes in california. he thinks im going to die in one of them. and he gave me what he calls, "a piece of advice" which is..as he said: "Just bend over, stick your head in between your legs, and try to kiss your ass goodbye. 'Cuz if there's an earthquake..there's really nothing you can do!" lol, how sympathetic of you paul. i'll remember that. so if i die you guys, i love ya! lol.
so yes. now im here. sitting around. listening to music and getting excited for warped tour! haaha, like it takes much! WOO! im bouncing off the damn walls and my dad is yelling at me but i just don't care.
KIMBERLY GET OFF WORK! ERICA, CALL ME BACK! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
whoa im fucking jacked!
.i. .g.o.t.t.a. .g.o.
.i. .l.o.v.e. .y.a. .t.h.o.u.g.h.
*.y.o.u.r.s. .t.r.u.l.y.* |
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| *)(*music mayhem..*)(* |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|04:10 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Incubus- Warning | ] |
*~:The cold concrete cuts against her back
And her spirit spills with blood onto the pavement
Hands tied so tight behind her neck
And a silence falls, and everything changes
And everything dies, to you nothing’s alive, to you anymore
I guess you've gotten more than you might have wanted..:~*
(Hidden In Plain View..*Bleed For You*)
*~:You get me outta the rain, you get me outta my clothes. You hope i don't make a sound. You hope that nobody knows..:~*
(The Academy Is..*Checkmarks*)
*~:And when I wake up you're the first to call.This is one more late night basement song. And I'm so sore, my voice has gone to hell..:~*
(Brand New..*Failure By Design*)
*~:I'm not wishing anymore, i'm not writing songs for you, i sleep better in the dark, i'm not doing this for you..:~*
(From Autumn To Ashes..*The After Dinner Payback*)
*~:Climbing on the way up, sizing up the competition, waiting for the right time, strike a chord and change your life..:~*
(From Autumn To Ashes..*Lilacs & Lolita*)
*~:I put them all in black, the four walls of my bedroom
And I trimmed them in red, peeled your picture off the wall
And I'm living in lack of the blood sent from your heartbeat
That arrived in your neck every time I salivated over you..:~*
(Alkaline Trio..*All On Black*)
EVERYTHING IS SO CRAZY AND RANDOM! jumping around in my mind. none of it is related. none of it makes sense.
*~:And If I miss my graduation...
I'LL HAVE ONE FUCKING LONG VACATION!:~*
(Katy Rose..*Vacation*)
*~:When you have something to say, you always seem to find a way to avoid the truth or instead, avoid me.:~*
(AFI..*He Who Laughs Last*)
*~:Will you lend yourself to beauty that will horrify?
Let me hide within your black, the still inside your eyes
Deafened, caught within a cry
So sensual, as step by step by step, I seperate
As breath to breath, as I... suffocate.:~*
(AFI..*Dancing Through Sunday*)
*~:the radio plays our love song.
I smash my fist right through the dial.
here's to the broken hearted.
a generation born in denial.:~*
(The Ataris..*Bad Case Of Broken Heart*)
*~:Do you have the keys to the hotel? 'Cuz im gonna start this mother fucker on fire!:~*
(My Chemical Romance..*You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison*)
*~:take this time to find your tongue,
a sorry excuse to stop your lies,
the best 30 seconds of my life,
my angel take your pills,
my angel i sold your ring,
and now you're speechless
and i can't stop laughing.:~*
(A Static Lullaby..*Lipgloss And Letdown*)
*~:if you blink you could miss so much. please don't ever close your eyes.:~*
(Atreyu..*Dilated*)
*~:Aren't you tired of being weak?
Such rage that you could scream. All the stars right out of the sky
And destroy the prettiest starry night. every evening that I die.:~*
(Atreyu..*Lip Gloss And Black*)
i should stop now..i could go on forever. so many different things keep popping up in my head. one last thing. for all of you who are going to miss erica and i..and hopefully kim..as we travel into the sunlit streets of california in july.
*~:She goes to california, oh.
California is not so far.
when i close my eyes and wonder where you are,
and you wish upon a star,
two thousand miles doesn't seem so far..:~*
(Spitalfield..* I Loved The Way She Said 'L.A.'*
*~:But it almost feels okay...
I breathe in deep before I spread those maps out on my bedroom floor.
And I'm leaving.
Wave goodbye.:~*
(The Weakerthans..*Aside*) |
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| *Up the stairs: the station where the act becomes the art of growing up..* |
[Jun. 17th, 2005|02:16 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Panic! At the Disco - It's Time To Dance | ] |
wow ive become a chronic updater once again, haven't i? oh wow..what a day. its one of those..really crazy good ones.
but one of those...that i only have because im unstable. when i grow up, i refuse to be normal. i wish i could be better than i am now though.
i dont understand.
it went from laughing hysterically and having the time of my life to me lying on my cold basement floor...crying. why do things end badly? why!? it's like those cheap sodas that leave a disgusting aftertaste in your mouth that make you want to throw up..
but worse.
much much worse.
now im stuck dreaming of black walls trimmed in red.
how ironic life works in your favor. isn't it grand? a grand design..sometimes i'd like to know how im going to end up..
drunk in a ditch..
or 30 years old, still going strong, a fucking kick ass writer,guitar player, dancer, choreographer, production designer, director, actress..tour manager..
well..all of my many desires.
i wish today didn't have to end how it did. things were going really good...
so let's see.
I hung out at erica's. we played super mario and kim came over. we heard the ice cream truck and ran outside, broke through all of erica's locked front doors...(that was a hard task at hand, lemme tell ya. especially with an excited screaming erica running behind me.) we ran down the street...erica screaming.."ICEEEE CREEEAAAAAAAM!" in her really crazy voice...running like a madman. kim and i almost fell over laughing. i bought a snoopy ice cream. i felt like a kid again. it was fun.
then we layed around together in erica's room, talking, listening to music, playing mario.. theeeeeeeeeennnn...
BOO, TIM, and BRIAN showed up to pick us up to go to our infamous trip to appleton to wreak havoc! brian is a cool guy, just met him today..it was fun.. he works at dairy queen. but yes. you remember me telling you about the last time boo, tim, erica, kim and i went to the mall over spring break? oh yes. check back to that entry if you feel the need. of course, it first started with all six of us piling in and getting comfortable and arguing over what music we wanna listen to first even though we love it all. then screaming the lyrics and cracking jokes. ahh yes. listened to some brand new (which was great considering its been awhile), fallout boy, rise against, some stuff on a sampler...panic at the disco..very cool.., less than jake..you know, all that greeaat fun stuff. then we arrived at the mall. yelled "hey hottie" at all these old guys walking in..(eww) and boo was carrying erica's purse. ahaha. first we made our trip past the oriental food..only to hear (as always) the creepy japanese guy go.."YUMMY, YUMMY!". then we just yelled annoying, random, funny things at people..until we arrived at hot topic. we talked to the workers in there about warped tour..and how we can't wait. and we all discussed what bands we were excited about seeing for like 10-20 minutes. the guy in there is going, im excited to see him in the Underoath moshpit. i better find him. he told me they fucking rocked when he went to see 'em, so im even more excited now. we made comments to the little pretty boys that came in there..pink button up shirts...collars up and everything. HAHA. fucking hilarious. oogled the candy bra. laughed at shirts..sang the music..and said our farewells..."SEE YOU SUNDAY, BITCHES!" then we went in abercrombie and fitch so brian could start dancing all crazy and scare everyone away. first i went with the guys on the guy side...and yelled really loud about $130 pants with rips, and nail polish stains...erica and kim were talking to some guy about girls pants.. then we went back in the back..and we were talking to the workers...(best part) about how they love to wear girls pants. it was interesting. and hot. boo, tim, and i were making fun of how "clearance" was $13 for swimming suit bottoms (which were supposedly cheap) and then they knocked over all this cologne and sprayed tons of it..and we laughed about their "soft porn" pictures up all over their store. got evil looks from girls.. and said our farewells. off to spencers! ahha. now this was fun. erica talked in the microphone at spencers to get 20% off on her purchase..and she was yelling about how mohawks are hot and crazy stuff like that while this guy with a mohawk and lip ring was standing next to her..just shaking his head. we hung out in there for a while. messing around. then we went down to cinnabon to see if the guys we met last week were still there. and sure enough, there was JOSH! (he's the shy one) i think we scared him a little. but erica gave him a pretty big tip. we kept seeing the collared, pink shirt guy. i think he was following us. it was gross. we called him elvis. erica was yelling random stuff to people..and brian danced in the middle of this thinger..dunno how to explain it. some light up thing on the floor.
then we made our traditional trip to target. i started pushing this little plastic wheelbarrow around the aisles looking for everybody..i found them and erica put her purse in it, and she wheeled it around really fast, telling everyone that she was handicapped. she was asking people questions. and then we went to bounce the big balls all over the place. we spotted the pink elvis again. boo, brian, and tim attempted to ride bikes..and i ran and slid across the floor on these little pillow things. then we left..
went to fazollis. on our way there, at the red light, brian and tim got out and did a chinese fire drill. it was great. some lady told them to fuck off and grow up so erica and i told her to get laid. it was my saying for that night. every other person i saw i would say.."you need to get laid!" then at fazollis..kim asked this lady something..but we don't think she spoke english. we ate our food..and talked a lot...calmed down..but laughed our asses off. we took their bibs and wore them.
then we wore them as capes and took our trip to wal mart. we got a whole roll of stickers and took them around the store asking people if they wanted some. erica stuck them on everyone. i picked up this lime green towel and wrapped it around me...walking around in it..people thought we were nuts. we just walked around, and around, doing crazy things...saying crazy shit. kim and i walked around and asked people if her belly button looked normal or deformed. aha. boo was acting like he was gay. then i took my towel..and layed it down in the condom aisle...i put a pack of condoms on it...and this open bottle of "warm touch" oil..lmao. it was funny. erica almost pissed her pants laughing. i know some of these things may seem really stupid or immature to you guys...anyone who may read this. but lemme tell you..its some funny shit. i havent laughed as hard as i did tonight in a long time. it was fucking great. its awesome. you should try it. just making asses out of yourself...not caring what people think. tim, kim, and i lost brian, boo, and erica and they called us and we told them we were by the cds..but we were really in produce...and then we ran all the way from produce, so we could run PAASSST the cds..and they started chasing us..but then we stopped. when kim, erica, and i went to the bathroom..we came out and lost the guys..so we just ran around the store yelling, "MARCO!" over and over...but we couldn't get an answer. we walked around it like 4 times. then we had this nice old lady page, "Tim, Bryan, and Brian!" and then we found 'em. ahhh.fun stuff. we all piled into the car once again and went to hooters. we got free "to go" stickers and chatted it up with the hot girls about our "scavenger hunt". you should see the girls in there. holy shit. then kim bought shorts. they're sexy kimbo! then we went through the drive thru at krispy kreme and asked for free hats. we all got one..and wore them. then we had boo drove like a grandma...he drove like 25 in a 35 or 45 i cant remember. he was all close to the wheel. it was funny. then we went to burger king and got crowns. haha. then we drove home. screaming our great music. talking to tim and boo. its been forever since we all hung out. i miss you guys! god..it was just stupidly, amazingly, fucking hysterically FUNNY! we gotta do it again. i think we really should make our own scavenger hunt and bring a bunch of groups there and go wild. woooooooooooooooooooo! i let go. and i had a great time.
then we all came back to my house and hung out in my basement for a while. played cards..(lol boo, you aren't a loser), listened to music..talked..brian can play afi on my keyboard..it was cool. i taught kim the white stripes on my guitar(thanks to mike).. she catches on fast. and i practiced. then erica started talking in her sleep and the guys left. then kim, erica, and i were all talking..and my entire mood..and everything that has been going on that ive been trying to ignore just came crashing down. and there went the tears. god i hate tears. what's the point of them anyway? but then erica and kim started falling asleep so i came up here to update and listen to music..i'm actually feeling a little better now. so thats good. except for my tummy ache. but it'll get better.
i think im gonna get to sleep pretty soon. tomorrow mike and i are hanging out. it'll be fun. he's going to teach me chords. ^.^ im excited. maybe we'll go on the lakes..except not when my mom is there...lol..nah, i really dont care. maybe watch ginger snaps 3! so yes. it'll be a good day.
then saturday..i think im gonna go strawberry fest with kim and see five bullet roulette play. and then..you know what sunday is..
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
WARPED TOUR!
this weekend is going to be awesome. no more crying for me. i refuse. |
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| *.crazy days.* |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|01:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Underoath-A Boy Brushed Red..Living In Black And White(live) | ] |
hmm..im getting really angry at my computer. i can't sign on msn and i cant even get online.. grr. so im writing this now and ill put it in my lj later. i'm listening to kittie. haven't listened to them in a while. so its cool. im sitting in a t-shirt and underwear because i cant find anything that i'd really like to wear. so i settled on this for now. ha. i was getting ready for my day..but then i got lazy. i don't know exactly what's going on for today, but no matter what, it'll be a fun time.
last night was great. erica talked some more, and then all of us went into kim's basement. we all slept in the same bed. ^.^ lol. it was fun. 4 girls in one bed. i turned on the t.v., and omg it was perfection.. guess what was on. guess! Boy Meets World! ahhh! i was so excited. i miss that show so much. so i watched that..it was the episode where shawn kept skipping out of school to go to college and see what it was like, to find out he actually enjoyed it. ahh, sentimental, and moral messages and everything. either way, it was fun. then i caught an episode of Inferno 2. and that was interesting. all the girls and their drama with that tonya girl masturbating when they go to sleep. ahaa. i laughed my ass off. it was intense. haha.
so yes. now i have a mosquito bite on my boob and it itches like hell. i dont know when or how i got it. i am sort of curious though. but i won't end up digging deeper. ill just get a headache trying to think too hard. SOMEONE BRING ME CLOTHES! urgh. im sick of mine.
bri, i'm sorry that i didnt go to the dance with you. i really didnt feel up to it. but i know you love to dance, and i love to dance, and we are hot bitches dancing togtether so...rain check? let's see. next week wednesday i have to work. buuuut, the wednesday after that which is the..29th i am free! So, let's go together then alright? let's get kimbo and erica and everyone and go then. sound good? you guys lemme know. 'cuz i miss dancing. and i miss going around driving people crazy and jumping in the middle of the dance floor, or in between groups of people and just start dancing like crazy until people stop and watch or just move. haah. dancing until i fall down. those were the days.
-*a little sheltered girl, is what i'll always fucking be.*-
-*crucify then learn, sit and watch me burn..*-
hmm..so im bored. my computer is still being stupid.
now i've chosen breaking benjamin. -*sooner or later..*-
do you know something guys? do you? well, do you want to know something?! 'cuz im going to tell you either way. WaRpEd ToUr is in 3 DAAAAAAAYS! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
sorry about that. im fucking excited. the line up fucking KICKS ASS! i get to see my chemical romance, again! and they killed it last time. hidden in plain view. i get to see atreyu finally. and underoath..which im very excited about considering i missed them at taste of chaos. i get to see thrice again. ^.^ and senses fail!!! AHHHHH!!!! MXPX! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!! and i get to see what the all american rejects, and the starting line have been up to lately cuz they'll be there...what has it been..2 years since their first cds? unfortunately, the aar suck live but still..it'll be cool to see what they've been working on. The unseen! Tsunami bomb! JESUS CHRIST! the list goes on. im just really fucking excited. *takes a deep breath*
YESSSSSSSSSSS!
so that'll be my escape. from everything. one long day of my music. nothing but me, my friends, and the music. except erica won't be there this year. u_u. its deppressing. its our tradition... "HEY TALL GUY, SIT DOWN!", "look, she has a rugrats backpack! KICK HER!", "THIS IS THE BEST SONG WE NEVER WROTE!" and of course the infamous water fights...and we cant forget losing each other at least once throughout the day. the tyson mob. running to the bathroom. getting my hair wet with plastic cups in the sink and jumping up and down yelling at people. mocking little chicks in white tanktops.."OCEAN AVENUE, OCEAN AVENUUEEE!!" ahahahahha. we always had so much fun. everything is gonna remind me of you damn it. damn it erica. damn it. you are coming next year. and the year after. and every other year just like you promised. we went for 2 years and im allowing you to skip one. just one. for all the rest, i own you. the milwaukee sun owns you. the truth anti-smoking tent. the free stickers and condoms. the free cds. flirting with people in the tents to get the prices cheaper. sitting on the rocks by that little lake? remember? that was cool. gatorade for like 3 dollars. jesus. "WE ARE THE FUCKING USED!"..some guy: "YOU FUCKING SUCK!"...me: "HEY...FUCK YOU!"...him..*evil look*...his friends are laughing at him.."aha..you just got told off by a girl.."
"SO YOU GUYS! ever done a middle finger wave?!" haha..yeeeesssssssssssssss. "WE ARE JUST A MOMENT AWAY!" so much fun! what am i gonna do without you! who am i going to light up with outside the truth tent! ahh..this is bringing me to tears. not really. im just laughing so hard that i might cry. hahahaha. there will be plenty more where all of that came from. and i can't wait.
HOLY SHIT IM ALMOST 17! theres only one more warped tour after this while we are still in highschool!
whoa, im writing a lot. i need to calm down.
we'll im gonna restart my computer to see if i can actually make it work and paste this on to my journal. then im gonna go play guitar until people call me to tell me whats up.
seeeeee ya. |
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| IM NOT PICKING UP GUYS AT MY FRIEND'S HOUSE! -*erica*- |
[Jun. 16th, 2005|12:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | kim playing her bass. | ] |
LMAO! im laughing so hard. erica is talking in her sleep once again and kim, alexanna, and i are talking to her. she wants me to tell all of you to go to www.smellslikestrawberriesandlookslikeallovermyfacelipgloss.org (org is short for orgasm). we made a commercial with her on her phone putting on her "lip gloss" which is a very bright pink marker. and her "eye shadow" which is really skittles lip gloss. ooh, she looks beautiful. she wants everyone to know that shes famous now and to watch her commercial on her website. THIS IS FUCKING HILARIOUS! uh oh. now she wants to call someone. shes rocking in the chair and wants you all to know that she doesnt hump! she just asked kim if she was a snake. and its going through her ears! wooooo!!!
so ill update on that throughout this wonderful blurred-memory update.
so the last few days are all blended together but the majority of the time has been wonderful.
On saturday, my mom and i took matt out to eat for his birthday. we talked and it was great. we were getting along really well as friends, and we waited in wal mart for my mom in this little ice cream truck thinger that gives you a ride if you feed it quarters. lol. i put that very oddly. im a strange girl. hyped up on the caffeine. ive been up, drinking soda, going to work. i worked the sunday morning, sunday night, monday morning. fun stuff. then matt and i got in a fight and it ruined things.
the next day..after work..i tanned outside and kevin and i were talking and it was really nice at first. and till those things kind of got really fucked up too. hmm..similar situations, similar guys, similar wants and needs, similar goals (to get down girls pants). god, they see a girl and get their damn zipper going, and everything gets screwed up. I WANT TO BE FRIENDS! OKAY YOU GUYS!?
working with paul was fun stuff, heard his old party stories from his highschool days. funny. then he dumped ice all over me when i was in the sun. it cooled me off.
then monday i went to mikes. it was a real fun time. hes really the only guy that hasnt pissed me off lately. (besides greg..you've been good to me too)so i appreciate it mike. thanks for being that guy. lol. we talked..and played guitar...yeah..YOU HEARD ME.. played guitar ^.^ YES! im so excited. he taught me the beginning of a song..and im practicing..and getting better.. and im gonna learn more and kick ass and everything is gonna ROCK! im not giving up and hes not gonna let me either. then we watched Ginger Snaps Unleashed..or ginger snaps 2. and it was fun. we also went in the rain. that was good also. (update: erica just fell of the chair, and crawled over to me by the computer. her lips are extremely pink. and she wants everyone to know that she really wants a chicken sandwhich and she wishes she ate at Hardees because she could really go for those carbohydrates. and VINCE, she wants you to know that she wants a hot ham and cheese and that she WOULDN'T fall asleep at the wheel. she just grabbed my butt.)
but yes. hanging out with mike was fun. happy stuff. really no bad there..except for..jake and vince thinking we were "FUCKING". riiiight. (erica just layed on the steps)and mike loved the movie which is awesome because people usually dont.
hmm...then..monday night erica, kim, and i went over to andy's house for a little bonfire. more like a mini fire that went out all the time. lol. jk. it was fun. "lying here in my sweat tonight". funny guys. you crack me up. then we came back and stayed at kims. um tuesday..i believe that was the day kim and i went to the harbor and then bugged mike at work. that was fun. we saw certain people and laughed our asses off. then...erica and i hung out at jakes for that night. most of the night. played a lot of nintendo, went in the rain (AGAIN ^.^ happyhappyhappy), played some guitar, laughed a lot, got begged to flash people...and watched their little "chupache" film. lol. it was quite funny. then we got this very strange call at erica's which involved a lot of geeking out and such.. i'll leave that up to your imagination. (erica is calling people in her sleep. "dont let friends drink and dial" LOL!)
today..matt said he was taking me for a "surprise". He took me to the quarry and we had a picnic with my favorite orange gatorade, and pepperoni and pickles and a blanket to sit on. i went swimming. for like..5-10 minutes. it was nice of him. we talked. a lot. and then, once again. things got all screwed up because he decided to be a dick. *sigh* some things will never change. i dont know. then kim and i hung out at her house with mike, jake, and vince..and then kim and i went to get alexanna. us three went to jakes to hang out with the cool cool kids. lol. and then erica came over. us girls went to hardees and then back to jakes. and it was a pretty fun time. and then alexanna, erica, and i ended up back here at kims..erica talking in her sleep about needing to talk to us now! and me getting kinda sleepy.
im rambling. erica just said that im a nut lover. isnt it weird to think about what certain people are doing right now? just random people that have nothing to do with each other? or just people in general? god this kinda thinking could drive someone crazy. or in the words of chevelle.."do us in." think of how many people are having sex right now? haha. just imagine. and think about..i mean, do you ever wonder if people are ever doing the same thing you are..? i always wonder. and..its crazy. god. that makes me think of when i went into stores when id be high and try to listen to and seperate all the voices and conversations of different people. it was nuts! it was fucking freaky. but awesome at the same time. splendid and wonderful. but scary as hell. ah yes. erica just said, "you should really pinch his butt, like right now!" kim is playing her bass right now. im very proud. i think im gonna go soon and print out the guitar tabs for the song shes playing and attempt to jam out with her. ill suck but itll be fun. and besides. ill get better. and then ill smile. really big. ^.^ and thats always good.
*:There's poison in this drinking glass. Don't stop, just sip it down. And in a swirling masquerade of sound, my body hits the ground. I'm beautiful when I'm asleep. Martini kisses land on my blistered bloody scarlet lips. The bottle's in my hand. Burn out, not fade away...burn out, not fade away...
I'll speak in riddles so you can understand. I'll write in pencil so you can trace in pen. So in love with me like sand to wet feet. I'll write both our names into the wet concrete.:*
yeah. that's been in my head since we walked to jake's cuz they are doing construction down his road and everything..and the wet sidewalks and everything. ahh yes. well now im gonna go and have some fun on my guitar with kim. if i cant sleep, ill come back. im becoming addicted again. fucking great. lol.
yours truly. |
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| *you are keeping me awake.* |
[Jun. 11th, 2005|02:39 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | weird | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blindside- Pitiful live | ] |
wow. so what the hell has been going on?
im wired off of mountain dew and headaches. late night talks of nothing, getting us nowhere.
how come the things you want to do the most, you are never allowed to do? Is it because you aren't allowed to do them that makes you want to do it so bad? or does it just happen to turn out that way and its supposed to mean that you shouldnt? all my crazy thoughts make me want to scream. you know, i was looking back at a lot of my entries tonight, with mike when he, vince, and jake came over to kims. and im just sitting there like...wow. you know, thats a thing that is really good about this (livejournal) yet really bad at the same time. you remember a lot of memories that you really don't want to. but you also read about a lot that were really great. but i suppose that happens with everything. it's life i guess. good with the bad. pain with the pleasure. where would you be without it? AHH! MY CRAZY LATE/EARLY A.M. RAMBLINGS ARE BACK!? god, how much did ya miss me?...hmm. okay, i just heard one of alkaline trio's newer songs from Crimson. they sound kinda different. im kinda dissapointed. but im just gonna check out the cd sometime soon..ahh KISS LIVE! how much does that rock?! woo. crazy videos show up on this thinger, i tell ya. ahhh! 30 SECONDS TO MARS! damn it i love this. they were at the rave on tuesday...but i couldnt get a ride. *tear* i was very upset. but they are coming out with a new cd soon. cant wait! it better kick ass. *-you wanna be the one in control, you wanna be the one who's alive....it's not a matter of luck, it's just a matter of time-*
urgh. i cant sleep.
lets look back on today.
woke up at kims. her, erica, and i talked for awhile. i went home and i had to do a bunch of stuff around the house. blahblahblah. then i found erica's buddha keychain ^.^ and she came over for a little while. we had a lot of laughs at my dad and the fact that she kept changing my screen name to very degrading things. lol. i still love you. then she had to leave me to go off to work. and kim was swimming with kristie at tims. and getting her warped tickets. (I got mine! i caaaaaaaaaaant wait) so i was left to sit on my ass. the oh-so-perfect summer activity. so i sat, and sat, and sat. listened to music. talked to a bunch of people. and then my dad goes, "theres a tornado" and he walks out of the house! i was like...wtf?! and then the thing came on the tv "theres a tornado warning.." so of course im scared shitless. i hate those things. they scare the fuck out of me. so i took my dogs downstairs with me and listened to music, home alone. then my dad came home, and he started laughing at me so i went back upstairs.. it was quite odd. i kind of felt stupid yes. but at this point i dont care. im scared of them. yes, ill admit it. very scared. i must have looked pretty silly. i was in a blanket under a table. yeah, shut up. it was cute...haha. well it passed. thats all that matters. today, greg and i also talked, a lot. it was really nice. we had a civil conversation. laughing and everything! past all the neccessary awkward moments and silences, and of course the bitter remarks about how we "wanted each other to die", the over exagerrations, and the make-ups and apologies. but beside all that, it went pretty good. good to talk to you again. and i am not going to be a farmer when im older. grrr. lol.
so then, kim and i went over to jakes and hung out with him, vince, and mike. played nintendo! YES, it was awesome. we were having a good time, and then my mom calls and decides to be the crazy bitch that she is and come pick me up at holiday, and decides it would be great to yell, "GET IN THE CAR!" well im standing in the parking lot with mike and kim. you guys looked quite scared actually. so i get a lecture on being responsible and not calling her so she could talk to a parent..yeahyeah, heard it all before. and then matt is crouched down in the backseat, and he says, "I wanted to avoid any violence" i guess he came over to talk to me..and besides the fact that my mom was mad at me, i guess she wanted me to "talk some things over with matt" so, at first he was afraid to get out of the car because he thought i was going to hit him?! i dont know. we fought a little. but then we talked for a while. and once again, that was really nice. to just talk. talking is wonderful. matt and i are on rocky terms right now. its really bad. if we dont salvage this friendship...ill be very dissapointed.
then he drove me back to jakes. by this time erica was there beating the mario game. hell yes. thats my girl. and shortly after that vince and mike got back.. and we all hung out..talked.. fun stuff. i went up in the loft thinger, and mike moved the ladder and it fell on erica's head. way to go. lol, just kidding. then we ordered pizza! that was happy. and yummy too. erica yells, "HEY HOTTIE!" as a girl gets out of the delivery car, and she goes and pays for the pizza. haha. good stuff.
then we had to leave, cuz erica has a drive at 9:00 in the morning. *Good luck honey, but i know you'll do great! tell berens i said hey.* kim and i came back to her house, and we talked, and laughed. what would i do without my girls? then mike, jake, and vince were begging kim to be able to come over. i really dont understand why. i was doing my best to convince kim to let them come over for a little while, and jake hangs up on me? GRRR YOU! oh well. im over it. and then they got here, scared the shit outta me at the damn window, looking like the three shadow guys in White Noise. we watched some of freddy got fingered..laughed a little..read a certain persons journal and laughed our asses off..looked back on mine..talked about stuff..and then it got to be "about that time" for some reason, and they left. hmm.. i wanted to say sorry for being kind of a bitch to you guys when you were leaving but i dont know. i didnt understand why you guys kind of just got up and left like that? but oh well. im over it.
but yes. thats how it went. well..in a nutshell. the night was fun. yet, i feel like there are a lot of ties left open.. like a lot of things were supposed to be fixed, i dont know, no ends severed? so everything was at it should be, and that everyone was okay with everyone else? but it doesnt feel like that at all. i feel really weird. like there are loose ends all around me and that im responsible for it. i dont know why i feel like i have to fix things.
hmm..im watching the video for Lipgloss And Letdown by A Static Lullaby right now...its not bad. not bad at all actually. its pretty cool. i didnt know they had this video tho. god, music can take me away from anything. it takes me into a whole different world. anything goes.
*-i hope that you are happy where you are, and im glad to say i put you there..-*
one minute i just want it to be july and i want to be off in californina..leaving everyhing behind. but the next minute im thinking..wait..what if im leaving something behind that i'll miss or regret? what if, you know?? what if, what if, what if! IT DRIVES ME NUTS! that damn question/statement/THING! what if! thats what makes so many people go fucking crazy, ill tell you that much. lol. im losing my sanity already. its only june. watch out. but really, anything that happens here will be completely out my control because ill be miles and miles away. and im not used to that. but i guess sometimes. you just have to go with it. close your eyes, and see where life takes you. maybe sometimes you have to give up control. maybe sometimes you just need to sit back, and see what happens. not to take everything into your own hands all the time.
all i know is this summer is going to kick ass. no matter where i am. no matter what. this will be the best summer ever. that is something that i will make sure happens. i will not mope around. i will live. simple as that. dancing ice cream cones. pink guitars and moshpits. surfing and seashells. piercing my belly button. JUST LETTING GO damn it...thats what im going to do. just let go.
"stop trying to control everything, and just let go!!"
come on, come on, NAME THAT MOVIE! if you can name that movie i love you.
the answer is...Fight Club. and if you said it, you rock. you really do. it makes a lot of sense though. i was saying all that stuff and on that train of thought and i remembered that line and i thought..whoa, perfect. god things are nuts. where some lines in movies, and lyrics can just map out exactly how you feel, just like that, like it was that easy all along. ahh simplicity.
but yeah. that is a fucking great movie. one of these days i just want to have an entire movie day and have everyone over, and we watch a bunch of great, crazy movies...it would be fun. but i dont think anyone would have that long of an attention span. i dont know. we'll see. but by this point im rambling on about nothing, and if you are reading this right now...you are crazy..because this is like a 4 page letter that i wrote at 2something in the morning about nothing..and actually a lot of things. but still. you are nuts. but so am i for writing all of this in the first place. i think im gonna be up a bit longer but writing in here kinda helped me get some stuff out. thoughts on paper, yet a lot easier than so. *sigh* im going to start doing this more often. maybe i should be a writer? production designer? actress? director? oh god, dont get me into THIS conversation. ill never leave.
so yes. you'll be seeing me.
yours truly.
wide eyed and wondering.
with a middle finger in the air. |
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